Thanksgiving Fantasy

We don’t celebrate Thanksgiving around here. There is a statutory holiday for it in mid-October, but around me at least, no one has ever seen it as anything else than a long weekend. I think most people from the other provinces do celebrate, however (I mean those with English ancestry, as opposed to French ancestry).

I had my first and only real Thanksgiving meal while I was living in Germany, when I was 26 years old. I had made some Canadian friends from Ontario, and they invited me over. I expected to eat sausage or pasta or something, but was utterly amazed when they brought a golden roasted turkey to the beautifully decorated table, with all the fixings I had previously only seen in movies or magazines. I was incredibly impressed at the work and skill involved, and I still keep vivid, very emotional memories of that delicious meal.

Turkey is something of a special occasion meal here (my mom usually makes it for New Year’s Day), but the French-Canadian way of cooking it is in a lidded casserole with lots of liquid. Therefore, the meat is more steamed or boiled than roasted, and the bird does not look good enough to make an appearance at the table. It’s still good, mind you, but maybe because it’s foreign and completely unusual to me, the roasted form, in all its eye-pleasing, centerpiece glory, remains the golden standard.

The traditional Holiday meal here is tourtière, a large deep-dish meat and potato pie for which each family has a specific recipe. Ours is made with lots of onion and a mix of meats usually including beef, pork, veal, and since my grandfather hunts small game, some hare and partridge. Intrinsically, it’s not that tourtière is bad. But it’s so common to me that I’ve come to really dislike it: it’s really heavy, very one-toned, and most of all, completely unrefined. I don’t know if it’s my liking of Asian cuisine that brought me to this, but I’ve come to want, need and crave food that looks as good as it tastes, especially during special occasions. I don't really like the way the Christmas meal is held in my family: when the tourtière is ready, everyone grabs a spoon and whacks some into a plate over salad with cream dressing, covers everything with a generous amount of ketchup, then finds any corner of the house to sit and wolf it down. I always eat it, and I always oblige when M’s family beg me to make one (they come from a different region where this tradition does not really exist and therefore don’t share my “fed up” stance), but I’m just never excited about it for a second. It's a bit of a treason for me to think this way, and I must add that everyone else absolutely goes wild for tourtière.

So, in part because of that incredible Thanksgiving dinner in Frankfurt, in part because I was looking for “new” traditions to incorporate now that I have my own family, and in part because I love comfort food, I have come to view the American Thanksgiving as some kind of a fantasy Holiday. A day especially devoted to feasting? A day when the way to reminisce about all you’re thankful for is to share a sumptuous meal with all the people that mean to you? A day where it’s expected that you’ll relax, gorge and have MORE THAN ONE dessert? Really, it sounds like paradise…

I’ve been making my roasted turkey meal annually for several years now, always around the Holidays, but also always for occasions other than the real thing (my sister’s birthday in mid-December, for example). I never love to cook more or feel happier in the kitchen than during that day. I’ve experimented over the years and now have my standard fare steadied: the roasted bird (“Isn’t it going to be really dry?” asked my mom the first time she watched me make turkey my way, fearful of a method different that the one she had seen done for generations. The answer was no. She admitted that it was simply divine!) with its pan drippings gravy, the mashed potatoes, the homemade cranberry sauce, and usually, as sides, peas, creamed spinach, and Brussels sprouts sauteed with walnuts. But my favorite part has to be the stuffing, which I bake in a separate pan and for which I’ve “invented” a recipe involving very finely sliced celery and onion sauteed in a lot of butter, bread crumbs, roasted chestnuts, hazelnuts, pecans, slivered almonds and dried cranberries. Yummy!

This year, for a number of reasons including the fact that my sister has a new baby and does not want to be too far from home, I’ll be hosting the family Christmas dinner. It will be really special, not only because we will now have two kids with us, but also because for the first time in 20 years, we will celebrate with both our parents (and the new people in their lives, obviously). The fact that we’ve come this far as a post-divorce reunited family (this couldn’t have been possible at all even a few years ago) is moving me to tears, and I’m sure my sisters feel the same.

So guess what I’m making? I’ve warned everyone that it would not be tourtière they would be eating this year. I expected shouts of disapproval, but so far have received none (maybe they’re still very disappointed but too polite to say anything). I am really excited about this opportunity to carry out my ultimate Thanksgiving fantasy, even if it's a month or so later. I’m still not sure about the dessert(s) though: first, I’ve never had pumpkin pie in my life (never even one peanut butter and jelly sandwich, either, those are only typically American), second, I’m much better at baking cakes than pies, and third, I saw this great recipe for triple chocolate trifle I’d really like to try…

Introducing my nephew!

Marc-Olivier, born on November 26 at 4:21 PM

Dear MO,

I instantly fell in love with you when I first saw you yesterday. You were so tiny and so new, wearing that irresistible glazed look of the first few hours of life. You were this little wonder, continuing the next generation in our family.

I was looking at your mom, puffy-eyed and tired, still taking it all in. My amazingly brave little sister, having just done that singlemost difficult thing a human being can do: bring a new person into this world. Performing nothing less than a miracle, which never gets old.

I hope I can be a great aunt to you, and I would like you to know that I will always be there for whatever you need me. Even though right now it seems like it will never happen, I can't wait to see you run and laugh and play with your cousin LP. I know it seemed like he didn't want to have nothing to do with you yesterday, but you have to understand that he was confused at seeing his mom holding another baby, evidently enamored. It won't be long until he's just as crazy about you as we all are.

I could hardly sleep last night, my mind full of emotions and tenderness, with images of your minuscule hands and microscopic ears constantly coming back to me. I'm just living in the anticipation of seeing you again.

Love always,

Ta tante Marie-Ève
xxx

Happy Thanksgiving to all my American friends...

Despite the grim economy, I'm sure all of you can find many reasons to be thankful for...

I'm this close to being an aunt!

My sister's water broke early this morning and they're at the hospital. My mom is on her way and will be my news relay throughout the day.

I'm so nervous and excited! It's funny, only one in 10 women break their water naturally, but we both did. And I was 11 days ahead; she's a whopping 18 days ahead! She was actually scheduled to stop working on Friday. The good news is the baby was supposed to be born on her birthday (not really fun), and now they'll be a good two weeks apart.

Keep you posted!

A snapshot of our life I would like to remember

It's Sunday morning around 10. M is working at a Sudoku puzzle in the living room, I'm baking cupcakes for M's sister birthday, and LP is buzzing around, helping me with the paper liners one minute, taunting his dad the next, then playing with his toy train.

He decides that we should all wear hats. He returns from his bedroom with his beloved Red Sox baseball cap, hands M a too-small golf hat, and gives me my old black beret. Here we are, the crazy hat-wearing family, on a typical weekend morning while we're drinking coffee and tea in our PJs.

The public radio is on, and the newscaster mentions the city of Boston. LP hears that, then points to his hat and repeats: "Boston? Boston?" He's so happy, like he always is when he's able to make connections...

P.S. A little later, he also throws a tantrum because I want him to move away from the oven while I take the cupcakes out, and he then manages to stick both his hands in the toilet, but I choose not to remember that.

Debbie Travis and the Awesome Moms Club

Debbie Travis is a painting/interior design goddess who's built a small empire over the years, with TV shows, books, and a line of paints and household decor items sold here at the otherwise very man-centric Canadian Tire stores (let's say they are the main reason why I don't whine now when M wants to go). She's a beautiful, delightful shall-we-have-a-cuppa-tea Brit, but she's been living here in Montreal for over 20 years.

She's also a mom to two grown boys, and in the paper yesterday I saw that she has just launched a new book titled "Not Guilty: My Guide to Working Hard, Raising Kids and Laughing Through the Chaos". I've already submitted my family Christmas present wish list (we do this now and I think everyone will agree that the presents we receive have much improved!), so it's too late to add this book, but it's too bad... In the interview, she was saying that no one needs another parenting book that tells you what to do, but rather mothers need some humor, some real experiences to share, and the feeling that they are not alone amidst the craziness... While presenting her book in "meet the author" type settings, she said that each time, moms would burst into tears, revealing that they loved one child more than another, or saying that they were feeling guilty for working and not being there all the time, or guilty for not working and wishing they sometimes were elsewhere... And herself or other moms there would jump and console these mothers brought to distress by their hectic life, telling about their own experiences and about how they got through.

I've been a working mom for a year now, and thanks to a really flexible job, I feel like I've pretty much nailed it now. The chaos and the guilt is definitely still there sometimes, but I guess I've embraced the fact that it will always be and that it's OK. Still, knowing about what other moms do and being able to share our views is still very precious to me, and I think it happens too rarely, whether with my cyber- or my real-life friends.

So last week I was really happy when a received an email from a former coworker, who's now at home on mat leave with her baby girl. She was asking whether I would be interested in joining a once-a-month moms-night-out potluck thing she wanted to start, where we could have a glass of wine and talk about what is happening on each of our fronts. She wanted to call this the Selfish Moms Club. Of course I accepted, and I was thinking that it was not selfish at all, but I didn't say anything. Well, someone else did, so we're now called the Awesome Moms Club, and our first meeting is planned in mid-January.

The Paradox of Choice as applied to weddings

M, my lovely fiance, introduced me to a great website that offers webcasted conferences by very high-caliber speakers. One that particularly inspired him was by psychologist Barry Schwartz about his 2004 book The Paradox of Choice.

Schwartz argues that instead of freeing and enlightening us, the multiplication of choices we face in modern society is preventing us from being happy. Having too many choices paralyzes us, making us feel incompetent at making the right decision. Furthermore, he adds that all these choices unconsciously make us raise our expectations to unrealistic levels, to the point where we can never stop questioning the choices we do make and regretting them, whatever they are.

I can see a lot of truth in this when applied to life itself; however, as M was trying to explain it to me all I could think of was weddings (damn me!) Lately, it seems a lot of blogs writers and commenters are talking about being "burned out" or overloaded by their wedding planning. I couldn't agree more. As a bride-to-be, the Web community is definitely providing me with countless options I wouldn't have been able to have even 5 years ago. I can think about my wedding not only in terms of a 'theme' but also in terms of incredibly precise and unique color palettes and moods. I can mix and match traditions and styles. I can usually find gorgeous budget-friendly alternatives to anything. Whatever you're looking for, it's there. How to make daisy centerpieces with teal ribbon? Check. How to choose favors for a laid-back BBQ on a vineyard? Check. How to set the bar for an urban and hip cocktail? Check.

But at the same time, all these options can be so anguish-causing... They mean even the most down-to-earth gal will likely constantly second-guess herself and get completely lost. And despite all my pragmatism, I plead guilty to that as well! I love my simple (long and slightly trumpet-shaped) wedding dress, bought online for a song. I feel fabulous when I have it on. But it's still just a bit traditional for my taste. Whenever I happen to see posts about great, sassy, slightly more stylish and less traditional -and especially shorter- gowns, I tilt and have a bit of a moment before coming back to my senses. I'm older, I certainly wouldn't say wiser but let's say that having my family already has maybe grounded me a little bit in a way that it's just not possible for me for think about weddings all the time, but I can so understand how you can totally get carried away, finding yourself waking up at night wondering whether the burgundy or the pewter monogrammed napkins are best!

Anyway, in short, Schwartz's conclusion is that in order to be happy, you must have realistic expectations about life. I agree and have sort of unconsciously applied this to my own existence a while ago. In both life and for wedding planning though, I still think some choices are much, much better than none. I won't stop looking at wedding blogs, because, well, some of these things I find are just so inspiring -mostly weddings that ARE beautiful but also focus on what's important, not just the fluff. I'll just try to stay level-headed about it. I guess it greatly helps that I never felt my wedding day should be perfect. I hope it will be fun, but perfect has never been my style. And although there are million more beautiful dresses than mine, it will be fine, thank you very much. And I just don't want to think about my flowers until the day before when we go buy whatever catches our eye at a Manhattan wholesaler.

Should external factors weigh in your family planning decisions?

I’ve made no secret of not actually really wanting another child. I know I might (and very possibly will) change my mind, but for now the only thing that could tip the balance is feeling bad about LP growing up alone, which is a big thing, yes, but at the same time, not good enough of a reason for bringing another human being into this world.

Recently, I’ve heard about three different situations which all made me reflect on what pushes us to have children. I have a tendency to over-analyze everything, and deciding to become parents was a HUGE decision I really didn’t take lightly. I considered many, many things, including our financial situation, relationship stability, individual readiness, family health history, etc. And one of the reasons that make me not really desire a second child is probably due to this extreme carefulness I have (which I know is a bad trait, don’t get me wrong): I can’t see myself being capable of giving as much time and attention by splitting the same amount of it into two, and so it’s a bit of a deal-breaker for me. I know most people are different, though. They just go with the flow and make do, sometimes despite the sheer impractically or irrationality of it. But having kids should not have to do with being practical or rational, right? Or should it? This is the kind of issue I’m struggling with, because my impulse and my reason disagree; or rather never really talk to each other...

Here are the situations in question:

1: A mother to twin girls the same age as LP is suffering from a major, major bout with depression. It’s her third bout in less than a year. I know she was suffering from this disease before deciding to become pregnant, although I’m not sure to which extent.

2: A forty-something woman is undergoing painful and obstructive fertility treatments, and repeatedly miscarrying. She has three kids (10 to 17), from a first marriage, as well as a one year-old with her second husband. She desperately wants this fifth child.

3: A mother of two preschoolers really feels financially and mentally stretched, having a hard time supporting her family, which includes her aging mother who lives in their very cramped house. Yet, she decides to have a third kid.

It took me a long time to conceive, and I very much understand the depths of this desire that can wholly consume you: wanting to have a child. Still, all these situations bewilder me a little.

I’m feeling really sympathetic for the first woman, as debilitating depression must be terrible and is clearly not her fault (it could happen to anybody). Yet, I feel for the girls much more, since they will probably grow up scarred and, inevitably, a little s**ewed up from seeing their mom in this state of stupor most of the time, unable to fully engage with them. Not only the heredity factor is very strong, but the girls will also probably even think this is their fault, spending their childhood tiptoeing around the house to avoid making mommy upset… I don't know the complete history of this woman, and this is such a personal and emotional and touchy issue... Maybe her illness was never this severe before, but I'm just asking myself whether it is fair for someone who's been suffering from major depression most of her life to have kids (fair for them, I mean)? I'm not judging for I know she's still a great mother, but I think this is a question that can be legitimately asked... Am I insensitive for thinking that?

And again, you have to feel for someone who can’t conceive the child that she wants… Of course no one wishes repeated miscarriages to their worst enemy… But at the same time, it’s very common knowledge that this is the path you will likely follow if you try to conceive in your forties… Maternal age is, unfortunately, the most important factor in the fertility rate, and whether you like it or not, it’s always been that way. I know she probably had this dream of giving her new, younger husband the two kids he wanted, but I’ve always been very puzzled by these large blended families with huge age gaps (it figures, since I’ve never seen myself with a big family)… She’s having a really hard time coping with her seventeen year-old’s teenage angst and rebellion, she has two other pre-teens in the pipeline, AND a very young toddler… That's already a lot more than many women could chew! In this case, do you think she should keep trying and continue bearing this heavy burden on her shoulders to have this child at any cost, or just accept that it’s part of the aging process, that she’s done more than her part, and that maybe it’s time to close the factory, so to speak?

Finally, is it just me who thinks it's a tad irresponsible to bring a new child in a family that has insufficient space for him and who had trouble making ends meet even before he came, to a mom who already felt overwhelmed? Or is it just part of life, the way many people do around the world, and completely natural and normal?

I know my response to these situations may seem very intellectualized, even detached from the day-to-day reality of many families… I just don’t know, and I sometimes feel spending so much time in university wired my brain in a way that made me utterly incompetent at dealing with the simplest concrete matters (my first reaction is kinda like: “Does Kant has something to say about this?”, which tells you how much of a theory nerd/weirdo I am. Please don’t feel sorry for my son, I’m not neurotic like that all the time, just when I’m weighing a very important decision).

Providing you’re a reasonably responsible and well-meaning parent, should you take any of these factors (health, age, economical status, etc.) into consideration when deciding how many children you want, or should you just have an I-love-babies-so-let’s-have-another-one/if-there's-room-for-five-there's-room-for-six kind of attitude?

Should you adapt to what life throws at you, or should you stick to the number of kids you envisioned having when you were a teenager dreaming about the life you would have? And should you let your reason get in the way of your irrepressible desire for little ones?

November Landslide

I’m slowly getting used to it, but when we set back the clock one hour in the fall it’s always a bit of a shock for me. I feel like we’ve suddenly been plunged into quasi-eternal darkness or something. For the first few weeks I have a weird response to the early, sudden nightfall: I’m like oh shit it’s REALLY late and I MUST get home and feed my family right now, I'm late, I'm late! Very single-minded, irrational, Mad Hatter-like, in fact.

Every year it’s the same, it makes me feel a little nostalgic (but I am naturally prone to (sweet, comforting) nostalgia), it makes me tired, and it makes me crave things that are bad for me, like junk food, sugar and alcohol (no need to call the AA on me, we’re talking a few drinks a week here, but it’s still more than my usual intake). I wouldn’t call it seasonal depression, because I’m sure depression is much more intense than that, but I’m definitely affected by the change of season, probably more so than the average person. But then, it’s not surprising as I’ve always known I was more sensitive than the average person, and on top of it, I’m always very, very, affected by jet lag.

I know everyone must deal with the winter time schedule, but I don’t know, when I was living in Europe, it seemed so much easier. It was gray and rainy, yes, but you could still be outside. Here, setting back the clock one hour is the first sign of more tough things to come, like months of only seeing a bleak version of the sun from 8 to 4, biting, extreme cold, and constant, pain-in-the-a** snow accumulations.

I know that as always, this mood is temporary and will gradually fade within the next few days, as we get closer to the Holidays. I have always managed and it will not be any different. In the meantime, I find myself singing this song to myself a lot (not that I don’t like Stevie Nicks, but it’s the Billy Corgan version that’s constantly in my head). It just perfectly captures my current state of mind:

Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

Well, I've been afraid of changing
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I'm getting older too

Chipmunk-size brain, elephant memory

One of the things I enjoy most about being a parent is watching LP link stuff together, making connections between things that happened a while ago, or things we've told him way back and that he stills remembers. The joy it brings me is hard to explain: it's part a wonderful reassurance that he's developing normally and showing signs of intellectual vivacity, part humbling awe in front of life's preciousness, and part motherly pride as well as limitless love.

Sometimes, even if we've had a bad day with LP and he's been really grumpy and tantrum-prone, he'll have one of these wonderful moments where he allows me to follow his train of thought, and I simply forget everything else. I know it doesn't matter in the end because all kids end up talking at a relatively similar level, but I am still so grateful for having an early-talker, because I find there's something just fascinating about him being able to express the -relatively- complex things that can go through the mind of a not-yet-two-year-old... You know, it simply makes me think that they know so much more than we think they do...

For the record, earlier in the season we went running with him (safely strapped into his jogging stroller) often, but we've stopped at least a month an a half ago. It's not that we're lacking the will, it simply got too cold and too dark in the evenings. I now wake up at 5:30 AM 4 times a week to work out on my stationary bike instead. I haven't lost one pound yet, but I suppose it will come once my metabolism gets into gear, and at least I'm getting back into shape and generally feeling and sleeping better...

Last night as I was undressing him, he pointed to his pair of sneakers. They're just normal toddler-size sneakers but one time, like months ago, his father told him as a joke that they were his "jogging sneakers". So he started: "Jogging... La poussette" (the stroller)... "Avec papa..., maman" (with daddy, mommy) ... Up until then, it only made me smile, I thought he was cute, like when he looks at me and says: "Est belle maman!" (mommy is beautiful...).

And then he went on: "maman, jogging, iPod, les oreilles..." (the ears, while pointing to his). I do run with my iPod (and white earphones), but not his dad. I haven't taken out my iPod once since then, or mentioned it for that matter... It simply brought a little tear to my eye. Where did this talking person come from?

Who doesn't love a good list?

I was always into lists, even before I read/saw High Fidelity, I think.

This one's great: The Ten Worst Baby Products Ever.

I have to say I agree with each pick. And I don't care what the commenters say, leashing a child seems just degrading and terrible and WRONG.

Reworking the dress

This is my wedding dress (albeit in buttercream -a yellowish ivory-, not in white). I've posted about it (with pictures of my humble self wearing it) before, should anyone be interested...

As I mentioned in the post linked above, the dress is just a tad too small and binding on top, despite my utter flat-chestedness. I am lucky enough to have a wonderful seamstress as a mom, and she told me not to worry, she will find a way to make it work.

I especially want her to redo the polka dot lace part, which looks too tight and a little weird on me. I like the back of it better than the front. And although the dress generally looks much more expensive that it is, the quality (or lack thereof) of the lace fabric is the part I like the least.

My mom asked me to find another piece of similar fabric and she will redo it to fit me better. So I told myself instead of doing it just the same, why not make it better and more unique?! And there you go, my imagination started to run wild. There are so many things we could do. Change the fabric for a different one, some other (simple) lace, or even an entirely different type of sheer fabric? Mesh? Organza? Muslin? Add a simple but beautiful ribbon as a border? Mix in some color?

And then, there's the design. I have two main ideas in mind:

1-Make the front in a similar shape than the back

2-Add little cap sleeves, kind of like in this example (please forget the rest of the dress, just look at the top part).

We're not going to alter the dress until next year, so I have plenty of time to make up my mind. It's funny, I always knew I wouldn't wear a strapless dress for my wedding, even though something like 80% of brides wear them. I love them, but I never even considered it for a second, I'm not sure why.

I really loved reading about this recent bride, who chose an approach very similar to mine (except that she is much more creative than I could ever dream to be!). She ordered her (plain) dress online from the same collection as mine, also more out of curiosity than anything else. But just like me, she was pleasantly surprised and really impressed by the value, style and fit of the dress. And she decided to keep it, while personalizing it. Herself. Have you ever seen anything cuter?

(From her personal (yet public) Flickr account).

I wish I'd had my camera moment #1047

Yesterday when I picked up LP at daycare and was putting his coat on in the locker room, all four little girls in his group suddenly came over, surrounded him, and took turns at kissing him... On the mouth! All the while he was giggling.

Despite all my efforts at raising a well-balanced man who has nothing but the utmost respect for women, I have no choice but to admit that my son is a player!

Who knew Sesame Street was so cool?

I used to watch Sesame Street as a young kid; it was part of my mother's "let's teach her English" program. Our family's legends include a tale of a two year-old me climbing up the stairs while counting "One...Two...Trreee!" like the show's (Transylvanian vampire puppet) Count.

I had forgotten all about this of course, until a few months ago when LP started becoming really into it (into Elmo in particular). So it has become a regular fixture at our house, and guess what? It may be the only celebrity fix that I need. A few weeks ago, I realized that LP had probably surpassed my jet-setting quotient already when he immediately recognized this one guest at Martha's show: LL Cool J. Of course he did, since the week before that, the dude had done a song with Elmo about basic math.

Today's show featured Jack Black, and, much to my delight, Feist! Now Feist is a real piece of Canadian awesomeness, a cool, fierce, cute and profusely talented chick! I just LOVE her. She actually did a good-humored version of her (irresistible) 1-2-3-4 iPod ad song, with, you know, Elmo and other monsters instead of her dancers. Of course this aimed to teach kids about counting to 4! So much fun!

LP liked it a lot, and was even trying to sing to the words! Here's his unconvincing attempt at dancing... (Gosh, we really need more lighting in our living room. But even though you can't see him clearly, I think it's still cute!)

He's already discovered the perfect way to annoy his dad

Last weekend was really fun: we took LP to a tiny wildlife park located right on the Island of Montreal. M had read about it in photo forums, but otherwise we had never heard of it, since it's a small non-profit place maintained by volunteers who mostly shelter animals that had been injured or were found when they were too young to survive on their own (usually, as they explained, these animals start to identify with humans and cannot be returned into the wild). It turned out to be perfect for a young kid, because it was done on a small scale, really calm and close to nature. M took amazing pictures and unbeknown to me, achieved his childhood dream of being really close to eagles and photographing them (he LOVES them, I'm not sure why). The animals they had were ones found "around" here: beautiful fluffy snow owls, white foxes, caribou, wolves, etc... But our kid may be a little too international already (I guess when the first zoo you visit is the one in San Diego, which is supposed to be the greatest in the world, there's no way to go but down): he kept asking for giraffes and monkeys!

On Saturday we also made a great day trip to Ottawa, the Canadian capital in the neighboring province of Ontario, located about two hours from here. LP had a blast at the Children's Museum (he "drove" an old Pakistani bus, and is making sure we will never forget by constantly repeating it!), and then we wandered around town. I pointed to buildings and explained to LP what they were. "Regarde, c'est le parlement canadien!" (Look, there's the Canadian Parliament!)

But apparently my son does not have a political mind, but rather a sports-oriented one. He started shouting: "Go, go, Canadiens!" Except the "Canadiens" he was referring to were not the inhabitants of this country, but the players in the local NHL (hockey) team.

You know, the team I'm rooting for, but M and all his family are waking up at night to hate?...

That's my boy! :-)

It's beginning to look a lot like...

Christmas? Already? I know I've talked about the first snow two weeks ago, but that's SOOO over. We've been having such a great lingering fall with beautiful colors, lots of light, and mild temperatures. Hard to believe that exactly a year ago, I went back to work after my maternity leave, and it was very much winter already. That was pretty exceptional (the year before we didn't have lasting snow until January 15), but what a difference a year makes, nonetheless.

Anyway. Yesterday it really felt like I got a kick start into the Holiday season when I received BOTH of these in the mail:



I got the message. And I'm starting to dream about it (crazy how anticipating and preparing for the Holidays is always much more fun than the actual thing happening... ) This year we'll have a new addition in the family (in the form of my nephew who should make an appearance in about a month), and LP will no doubt start to understand it all and charm us with the freshness and enthusiasm of his outlook on it. Thanks to children for really bringing back the spirit of Christmas in our otherwise slightly celebration-jaded family!

I'm waiting say another week or so and I'm taking out my Ella Fitzgerald Christmas CD.

A vision in yellow

For a gal who prides herself in not being a "princess" bride-to-be, I sure look at a lot of wedding p**n inspiration. And sometimes I just get completely enchanted by an image, by the vibe of the actual wedding it conveys.

Like this, for example:


(from Ben Chrisman Wedding Journal)

This is my kind of bride! The cute little dress and snazzy heels, the birdcage veil, the simple bouquet, and most of all the humor entailed in making the newlyweds pose outside the San Francisco City Hall while hailing a cab...

As it turns out, it wasn't this couple's "real" wedding, because they had thrown a more traditional celebration in the Caribbean a few months before. This was just their "making it legally official" day. Still, you know, they could have just went in their jeans and gotten some McDonald's afterward. But they dressed up, had fun with it and hired a photographer.

It reminds me of the bride who got married right before my sister in Quebec City last August. While I obviously had other things on my mind at this point (being the sister, the informal bridesmaid and the florist), I couldn't help but notice that cutest vision ever in front of me, also nervously waiting with her small party in the City Hall entrance. She had a look very similar to this bride, wearing an exquisitely stylish little white skirt suit with short white gloves, as well as killer shiny yellow peep-toe shoes. Her small bouquet of yellow tulips and freesias really made me want to shout: "Hello, sunshine!" It was perfect: part Jackie-O classical elegance, part individual style, part irresistible snappiness.

Obviously you are allowed to do whatever you want on your wedding day, but to me that look was perfectly nailing the "getting married at City Hall" thing. In contrast, the wedding party after us had a bride wearing a very pouffy polyester dress, enormous bouquets featuring red carnations, white daisies and baby's breath, and a number of badly-coordinated attendants that would have made a Trump jealous. I don't really feel bad about mocking them, since they were really looking at us with hateful glances, like "you guys shouldn't even be here," as this was a same-sex wedding and all.

I'm so sorry I didn't ask M to take pictures of that lovely yellow-accented bride. With all the amazing images of women wearing incredible designer dresses I've seen in the past six months, she's still always the one that comes to my mind as the most vibrant.

I almost became an Etsy convert too

I didn't know about Etsy before I started reading wedding blogs, but it's a great resource for buying and selling artsy, personalized items of all kinds. Sort of a standard reference for (tasteful) handmade stuff my fellow bride-to-be-bloggers often rave about!

Last week I fell in love with this big silk flower I first saw featured on Style me Pretty:

Source

It's pretty much exactly what I had in mind to wear in my hair for the wedding... And at $25, it seemed like I could hardly make it myself for much cheaper. So I contacted the seller and asked about shipping in Canada (it was about $6 in the US). She replied that she had had a bad experience with international shipping before, and therefore she had set up pretty stringent policies about it, adding that the price was $28.50.

While I can completely understand her (M and I have sold a lot of stuff on e-bay and I know how some buyers can be (thinking that you can just "cancel" an order you had actively bid for, not reading even the most obvious and simple terms, not wanting any responsibility, blaming the seller for things that were out of anyone's control, and expecting the impossible)), I still find this a little exaggerated and too bad. It's very clear that this policy simply aims to discourage non-US buyers, as no one will pay more than the item itself for shipping!

Being an active Canadian online shopper I know we're always put at a disadvantage, but it cannot seriously cost nearly 5 times the normal price just to send something that's light as a feather (ah-ah) and that fits into the palm of your hand across the border with USPS! While I understand that having to go through customs can add some paperwork and fees, this is borderline ridiculous. There are villages in upstate New York that are literally half an hour from my house! And you will ship to them for $6 but to me for $29?

I'm starting to become a little offended when I see an "international" shipping price that puts Canada on the same page as say, Australia or China. We're right there, you know! If you keep driving north you will get to us faster than you think!

So it looks like I will be making it myself after all, while keeping this image as a reference. It would have been cool to get this one, but I'm still just as excited about the DIY factor. I still haven't decided whether I'll be wearing a small birdcage veil with it or not. So when it comes to my headpiece, I won't go fully clothed that's for sure, but the question is should I go tiny bathing suit or commando?

Different cultures, different wedding-related customs

I don't have much happening on the wedding planning front right now, and I feel like it's still so far ahead it seems like it will never happen. We've now been engaged six months, and the wedding is whaaa? Still 22 months away? Remind me why we chose to plan it this way again? I'm kidding, there are a lot of good reasons, but there's only so much you can do this far in advance, and sometimes I get little antsy... Patience is warranted. I know.

So in the meantime I thought I'd post about things that people do differently around here, besides generally marrying less, which I've already talked about... Observing, thinking, comparing and analyzing the way things work in different cultures is always one of my favorite pastimes, one I just more or less consciously apply it to every thing I'm currently involved/interested in...

Changing your name: Believe it or not, there is a law here that prevents you from taking your husband's name when you marry. Growing up, I've always seen my mother and even my grandmother using their own names, so for me this was the completely normal thing to do. At first when I became more aware of these things and saw women in the media who had taken their husbands' names, I just thought it was a very interesting coincidence that people who had the same name had married! So in my case this of course has never been a question. I like my name and it's really part of my identity. I understand the logic of everyone having the same name in a family, and it does sometimes feel just a tiny bit weird to have a different name than my son, but then, you know, in the end it's just a name and it doesn't make me his mother any less. This is how it has worked here for several generations, and everything is going fine, I can assure you that the society is not about to implode... For me, the bottom line is (when you do have a choice), this is a completely personal decision and women should really do what makes sense to them.

Parents paying for the wedding: Again, this is not something that is done over here, and it's definitely not expected... It doesn't mean that parents don't help when they can, but the tradition of parents financially planning this years in advance is pretty much unheard of. I have been to two weddings where it was the case, but they both had very specific contexts (the first one was a couple of friends who were not from Quebec, and as for the other one, my friends' in-laws footed the bill, but then they are immensely well-off and the whole thing was taking place on their lakefront compound). In our case, of course there are other reasons for this (we're in our mid-thirties and not exactly starting out in life, we have a child already, etc.), but even though we wouldn't refuse assistance should our parents eventually offer it, we certainly wouldn't ask for it and have not planned it in our budget.

Registries: In my whole life, I have only been to one wedding where there was a registry (you've guessed it, for the out-of-town friends I've mentioned above). I love the idea of a registry, but it's just not something that you do over here, it would simply seem a little strange to our guests. Since newlyweds pay for the wedding themselves, the general, implied understanding is that what they need is money. I know this would be grossly impolite in some places, but here it's just what people do! I've never read any etiquette book about this or anything, but I once heard that unless you're very close (then you would presumably give a little more according to your means), your present is supposed to cover the expenses incurred by the newlyweds to have you there.

Having guests pay for their own meal: Gasp, how can this be possible, how awful right? Well, I don't know, some people do this here (we won't), and although it's not the norm, it's still not perceived as a major social faux-pas. It depends on the formality of the wedding, I guess. I've been to a few weddings where it was the case, and you know, I just wrote a check, I wasn't offended, as long as it was clearly stated on the invitation. Of course in this case it is generally implied that you are not expected to give a present. Don't forget here that presents are usually a check that's supposed to offset some of the wedding costs anyway, so in this case it's really not such a big stretch.

Engagement parties, bridal showers: People around here are just not big on either. I once tried to buy an engagement card for my sister and it was really hard to find one, at least in French. When we got engaged there was no celebration, we did not receive any cards, gifts, or anything other than (a few) heartfelt congratulations. Showers do happen, but they rarely include gifts. Bachelor and (pretty wild) bachelorette parties are the norm, though (any excuse for a raucous party, I guess). I really don't expect to have one though. First I hate this (I repeat, I hate this), and second, come on, my crowd of thirty-something mommies ain't as wild as it used to be...

This family

OK it's not that I want this blog to turn political, but if you'll let me I really want to add this quick one...



This image (from the Huffington Post). It just makes me smile. I can't tell you what I love most about this family. They seem so awesome. Genuine. Loving. Awfully cute. It's clear that I think the new President-Elect is one incredible man. But seeing the four of them arrive on stage Tuesday night made me jump in joy, thinking: "I had almost forgotten this also means she's the new First Lady, and they're the new First Children!..."

The girls are adorable, and I can't wait to see them at the White House with their puppy, can't wait to watch them grow up to become amazing young women, because how could it be otherwise?

And Michelle. Wow. Strong, independent, articulate, clever, but also level-headed, and filled with grace, poise and style. I really admire Hillary but Michelle has something else, I don't know, a softer, less combative side?

And no one is talking about this, but how great will it be to have a presidential couple that's so obviously in love with each other? So clearly considering each other equal in this seemingly rock solid marriage?

That's a lot of cookies

A freshly baked batch of German double chocolate

As a follow-up to my recent post about helping my little New York friend Liam Witt by baking cookies, let's just say that my beloved Kitchen Aid Stand Mixer was put to good use in the last few weeks... Batch after batch, I have baked many, many cookies, arranged them into little packets, and sold them to pretty much everyone around me (working with a bunch of hungry programmers did help!) People were very responsive and generous, which was awesome, especially as this is so important to me. The toughest part, actually, was to prevent the two cookie monsters living in my house from stealing them away!

I'm really happy to report that I have raised $263 for Cookies for Kids Cancer, which supports pediatric cancer research. Gretchen, the mother of Prince Liam the Brave, had a goal of convincing 100 people to hold bake sales like mine. My contribution is of course small on its own but when everything is put together, it really adds up!

But wait, the organization also has a really neat initiative for the Holidays. Keep checking out their site as they plan to sell 120,000 cookies in a few weeks time (last year they've done 96,000 and it was quite an event requiring hundreds of volunteers and benevolent resources of all kinds). Obviously I have nothing to gain from plugging this here, but I think they would make a really great hostess/colleague/teacher/neighbor gift idea... And if you live in the US, they're tax deductible!

You gotta be kidding me

And the official buzzword of this fall will definitely have been: election.

The (provincial) Quebec government just launched a surprise one, with a decision expected on December 8. After re-electing the (federal) Canadian prime minister three weeks ago and going through all kinds of emotions while following the US presidential campaign, here we go again.

I knew there had to be a negative side to this election...

I just read that propositions to ban same-sex marriages have been accepted in Florida, Arizona and California, thus reversing a 6 month-old law that permitted such unions in that state, sending 18,000 couples into a wedding planning frenzy that has now been cut very short. Despite all my elation at last night's results, this is still a sad, sad, day.

I am only speaking as a loving sister, who felt her heart leap with joy when she saw the triumph in her sibling's eyes as she said "I do!" to the love of her life. I am only speaking as a human being who feels no one should be discriminated against, and certainly not "punished" for the way they are -and did not choose to be.

I know there will be a day when there will be no distinctions anymore. But today I feel for Californians who wanted to believe in this, and for all other advocates for whom this is a stinging defeat...

JU-BI-LA-TION

I cried like a baby

It doesn't mean that everything will be perfect, and it doesn't mean that everything will be easy. But still, I simply haven't felt this good about the state and future of the world in a long, long, time.

The Dark Ages are over. I can raise my son in a world where hope and positivity have finally prevailed.

I'm so proud of you, my American friends. Throughout these very gloomy last 8 years, I couldn't believe that this was all you were capable of. I'm so glad I was right.

Like probably 80 percent of the world's population today...

…I am crossing my fingers and holding my breath so hard I’m starting to feel faint.

I am hoping, hoping, hoping to hear the news that could literally change the world.

Hope. There has never been a more powerful, more inspiring word.

And because this wait is on the rather heavy side (I'm a complete nervous wreck right now) and is nearly unbearable (to me at least), here are some lighter, loosely related political snippets:

Do you think we’re a little too intense on the political coverage? On Saturday night out of the blue LP pointed to the TV set and said: "Regarder Obama" (Watch Obama). I was floored. So I put it to CNN and McCain was on. And I swear the kid, who’s still months away from his second birthday, pointed to him and said: "McCain". I can’t quite decide whether I find this wonderful or completely pathetic.

And then there’s this: there’s a big buzz right now around these two Montreal comedians called the Masked Avengers, who punk’d Sarah Palin big time on the phone Saturday. I had only vaguely heard of them before, but they have a daily local radio show where they prank people in the public eye all the time, and not the least important ones at that. This time they pretended to be French president Nicolas Sarkozy, saying completely outrageous things, and no one (certainly not her) ever caught on that it was a joke. Media from all around the world have been talking about them since then (and questioning the seriousness of her entourage for letting this happen). You can find the audio prank here (it was on the Huffington Post’s home page, no less, where it had been viewed 541,000 times the last time I checked!), and here’s a transcript with some notes. Finally, here they were on the CBS Early Morning Show in New York yesterday.

In his eyes, I'm Martha

Last night LP came into the kitchen, like he's done hundreds of times before without saying anything. But this time he said, with a mockingly surprised tone: "Ah! Ici la cuisine!" (Here (is) the kitchen!) So I went: "Yes, mon loup, and what are we doing in a kitchen?"

He immediately replied: "Un gâteau!" (A cake!).

Just a little game

Another fun blogging game… This time it comes from the lovely Scottish (did you know that Scots and Quebecers have a lot in common?) new bride Peonies and Polaroids. She says she doesn’t like singling out people in tags (I don’t really like it either, I never know if they’re going to think it’s a pain in the a** or not, although I love being tagged!), but she invited everyone interested into participating. So there it goes!

You type your answers to the questions below into Flickr's search engine and choose a picture from the first page of results to make an image board with.

My results are quite cool! (And somehow naturally color-coordinated!)


1. What is your first name?
2. What is your favorite food?
3. What high school did you attend?
4. What is your favorite color?
5. Who is your celebrity crush?
6. Favorite drink?
7. Dream vacation?
8. Favorite dessert?
9. What do you want to be when you grow up?
10. What do you love most in life?
11. One word to describe you?
12. Your Flickr name?

Notes:

1. This was by far the less lame best picture, cleverly titled "Marie-Eve on the rocks".
2. I have a range of favorite foods, but these little seaweed wrapped rolls are always very welcome.
3. This is completely random and has nothing to do with the school at all but I love these old pictures, plus that sole woman there reminds me of myself at work.
4. Pretty self-explanatory...
5. Talented, quirky, funny and cute indie American actor/director, who once spent a summer in Montreal -filming The Last Kiss- and hated it :-(
6. No, it's not blush wine, but rather a delicious and elegant concoction combining fruity white wine and blackcurrant liqueur. There's something very old-school (and French) about it that I love.
7. I think this was Poland but the answer is pretty much anywhere in a European city, especially in lesser known places.
8. A blue cupcake, of course!
9. I've said it before, I'll say it again...
10. A picture is worth a thousand words.
11. Ditto...
12. Oops, I have none so far, better create one soon...

Orlando no-go

Early this morning M flew to Orlando for a four-day conference. He’s happy: he likes traveling for work (and doesn’t have to do it so often that it becomes a pain), he’ll be able to play one last round of golf this year, and it will be really special for him to be in the US during Election Day!

I, on the other day, was a little upset to see him leave. See, when he learned about this a few months ago, we came up with this big, fun plan to make it a family trip. I had asked for two days off at work, and we had even purchased the airfare. A “why not?” spur-of-the-moment thing we are well-known for.

But in order to save a few bucks, we had used a strategy more and more Quebecers use when traveling to popular destinations: fly from Burlington, Vermont. We have a much bigger airport here, but our airlines can hardly rival prices offered by domestic US companies. Plus, the airport parking is free there because they really want to suck us in (it cost us over $150 in parking when we flew to California from Montreal this summer).

We thought we were being so clever! Until the airline (JetBlue) changed our flights all of sudden in a way that made it much, much more complicated to travel with a toddler for a four-day trip. Not only they added long and painful layovers, but their little modifications meant we now had to spend one night in Burlington beforehand (thus not only paying for a hotel room but also missing LP’s first trick-or-treating experience), and that we would now come back home at around 3 AM on Wednesday (that is, if both flights were on schedule which we all know is nothing more than wishful thinking). Plus, let’s be realistic here, this pretty much equaled an extra (unpaid) day off for me. Clearly, what everyone wants (not): a more-expensive-than-expected trip where you spend less time there and more time in transit.

Suddenly, all of this seemed not that worth it anymore for a few days in the sun with LP… The difficulty and stress quotient was much higher than the fun quotient could ever be. So after talking about it, we reluctantly decided to give up the family trip, and M got his office to buy him other plane tickets from Montreal. We were certain that JetBlue would accept to reimburse the tickets since they had made the changes… So we argued and argued but they wouldn’t budge. In the end, however, they accepted to give us a credit to be used in the next year.

This really sucks. Not having our mini-break is one thing, but now we also have this extra expense on the credit card, and are obligated to plan another trip (which will in no doubt be more expensive since M’s company will not be paying for lodging and part of the food) if we don’t want to lose the amount altogether. We will certainly go to NY in the next few months, but it doesn’t make sense at all for us to drive an hour and a half to Burlington, wait a few hours at the airport, take the hour-long flight, and then find ourselves in Newark or something without a car (we usually drive to Manhattan in a little over 5 hours).

We’ll try to figure out something, but please let me say it once again: THIS SUCKS. Well, have a nice trip anyway, honey!...