Stuff computer geeks like

[ThinkGeek shirt]

I’ve worked with computer geeks (and truly heart them) for so long now that I’ve become quite the expert in observing them in their natural habitat…

-Star Wars and/or Star Trek, but you already knew that, right? Other popular sub-categories include Dungeons & Dragons as well as sci-fi/supernatural stuff.

-Anything you can order on thinkgeek.com, including, but not limited to: useless USB gadgets like plastic animals that make an annoying sound, fish tanks, beverage coolers, fondue sets, etc., binary desk clocks (took me years to figure out these were telling the time), tiny but extremely strong magnets, and little articulated stick figures (one pair here is immortalized in a Kung Fu pose, while another one is doing it doggy style)

-Making fun of the fluffy trendiness of Apple products (which are heaven for the design-conscious tech-savvy, but a big faux pas for the true geek)

-Online gaming. The serious kind. Any video gaming in general.

-Linux, but in fact anything open source

-Pointing out every Microsoft flaw

-Building their own “machine” (i.e. PC) while comparing notes with fellow geeks (as other guys might compare cars) and shopping for each component individually. According to geek logic, why would anyone buy a ready-made, plug-and-play computer?

-Making geek inside jokes, for instance referring to a real-life situation as if it were a SQL database query

-Tongue-in-cheek t-shirts that proves them geekiness is cool

-Offices where the dress code is really casual

-Japanese manga

-Any other Web browser than Internet Explorer

-Wired magazine

-Using drawings instead of words to explain their points.

Our guestbook

[Unfortunately you can see the water stains, resulting from an extremely-windy-tent-and-flower-arrangement-near-where-we-had-put-the-guestbook incident right before the ceremony...]

The thought of having a guest book had never really occurred to me, maybe because we didn't really have a big nor traditional wedding... But then my friend Alison offered to lend me the Polaroid camera she had used for her own wedding two years ago. She said it was a big hit among the guests, who took pictures of themselves and were able to immediately glue them into the book along with well wishes. I thought the idea was pretty neat.

It sure was a big hit at our event as well. J, my sister's wife, took charge of everything, ensuring that everyone posed and wrote, then assembling the book on the spot (thanks!). I loved being able to look at it on our wedding night, while lying on the hotel bed, my head still buzzing with happiness and positive energy.


Some people posed seriously, while some went a little silly (and I can only imagine how it ends up when people get tipsy)... I had not seen Polaroids in a long time and I was completely blown away by their über-cool 70s feel: off colors, slightly blurry, out-of-focus, badly framed and gritty... It made me realize how much personal photography has evolved in the last few years, partly because of much better equipment, partly because the digital age means we don't even keep the outtakes, and partly because I think even the worst picture taker now has a marginally better trained eye...

I have a complete emotional attachment to these pictures: my childhood albums are full of them, technically awful but still so telling and full of life and awesome...

Here are a few of my favorites:



[One of the rare pictures where I find LP looks like his dad as a child]

[Really LOVE this one!]

Thanks again Alison! I will cherish this funky guestbook forever.

Warning! The soda can you're now holding might be from a company led by a... woman

[Like many women, me thinks the boss is probably favoring diet...]

A little research for work brought me to come across the following piece of totally random trivia: the president and CEO of old school money-transfer company Western Union is a woman. Not only that, but 5 out of 10 top execs in this company also are. I don't know about you, but I find that quite surprising and interesting (you may remember that I posted about the infamous glass ceiling not too long ago).

So one thing led to another and I looked up how many CEOs of Fortune 500 companies (i.e. the top US companies in revenue) were of the skirt-wearing kind (figuratively speaking).

The answer is 15. Or 0.03%. The companies in question might surprise you. There is definitely a feminine niche in there (for instance Avon, Kraft, Sara Lee...), and there's a retail category (Rite-Aid, TJ Maxx/Marshall's, BJ's Warehouse Club) but there are also complete wildcards: oil company Sunoco, cigarette maker Reynolds, Yahoo, DuPont, Xerox (whose reigns are going to change hands in a couple of days, when the current CEO is replaced by a second woman who will also be the first Black female to make the list), and Pepsi.

Their ages vary between 47 and 62, and their salaries range between $1.9 million (which I personally think is not that much for the responsibility of leading such a top company) and $19 million.

Now, do you think women CEOs earn less than their male counterparts? And how many of these women do you think have children?

My homebound summer plan

-Eat our meals outside, even if it's just a quick weekday breakfast

-Bring flowers and greenery in throughout the season, at home and at the office

-Make homemade lemonade, limeade, mint ice tea and sangria

-Always have a great variety of cut-up fresh fruits

-Cook with what we grow in the backyard: rhubarb, raspberries, lettuce, herbs, and hopefully some strawberries, tomatoes and peppers

-Have a dip in the pool every day when it's nice out, even if it's just a short one

-Make my own fruity pops

-Can some pickles

-Organize get-togethers, have lovely company over, spend leisurely evenings on the patio while the kids run around

-Be fearless with the barbecue

-Bake crusty, oozy pies

-Fill the house with the wonderful scent of hot homemade jam

-Make the most of it while it lasts...

The still hypothetical second one

I don’t feel overwhelmed with the idea of having another child anymore. I don’t feel exactly ready either, but at least I don’t feel like I suddenly can’t breathe when I think about it. Major improvement!

The wedding is now over (one of the things I wanted to “take care of” before), and the age gap issue has now become manageable, from my point of view, at least. I’m 34, not exactly at the very last minute of my fertility, but still much closer to menopause than to my first period (which was 23 years ago). M will turn 37 in the fall, and has fast-graying hair (which btw I find totally foxy sexy). Conceiving our first child was long, challenging, and when it finally worked we were basically a few days away from starting fertility treatments. My point is we don’t want to wait years and years before trying to add to the family. So I guess right now, our somewhat unstable job situation is the main factor preventing me from scheduling that doctor's appointment which will signal the end of contraception.

Do I long to be pregnant again? The answer is no. Do I miss having a newborn, a baby? A little sometimes, but not really (I'm pretty confident it's this current stage of LP's development I'll miss later, not the babyhood). Do I really want another child? I still don’t know, in the sense that I don’t really feel the need or urge for it. But I’ve reconciled with the idea that for many reasons, it’s probably better to have more than one.

I think my problem is that I overanalyze stuff to the point where it prevents me from going forward sometimes. Stop the neurosis and take a leap of faith already! What’s the worse that can happen? We’ll have another child to love? We’ll go into another round of fatigue and disorganization and then things will fall back into place again? I still think it seems tough having more than one, but everyone around us manages, so we can’t be that clueless.

There’s something I had nearly forgotten. I was so blindsided by the “hardship” of the first few years that it didn’t really occur to me that you don’t have children just during the challenging time when they’re little. I know it seems so obvious, but these children will (hopefully) grow up, become their own person and enrich all of our lives forever.

So I do hope LP becomes a big brother someday. I don’t mind if it takes a while, I repeat, we have always known having kids close together was not right for us. We’re not people who can easily or accurately predict our family planning, so I feel I should really take a relaxed approach to it and just let it happen whenever it does (or not forget that in the end, it could maybe also never happen at all). It makes me teary to imagine my son with a sibling, with someone he can simultaneously take care of and lean on, with everything it implies. I guess things have been unconsciously processing in my head, because the raw emotional reality of this situation (a post by the queen of mommy bloggers Heather Armstrong on the first meeting between her five year-old daughter and her newborn one) would have never made me sob before…

Just tweetin'

Before Twitter, I was like a lot of people, thinking how could I fit this one more technology thing into my life? Do people have that many interesting things to say all the time anyway?

But it turns out, life as a 140-character line is surprisingly relevant. It's though, for one thing, to fit into that limitation (for me anyway). It requires skill and work. It proves to be very telling about people's lives and characters, something that is endlessly fascinating for me. There are several tweeting styles: the business twitter, the linker, the I-tweet-every-single-thing-I-do person, the live commenter of something going on in the media, the philosopher, the cheerleader... There's a Twitter language, syntax, and there are many social conventions, about which I'm learning more and more each day.

And of course, there are the witty gems, the pieces of anthology. Some people just have a knack for coming up with lines that just totally make my day.

Like these recent ones:

From Jamie at a desert fete: I really don't like it when *photo shoots* are referred to as *weddings*

From Heather Armstrong at dooce: Some apparel company just sent me a set of fancy maternity underwear which means I am now the proud owner of a lace-trimmed circus tent.

From Maggie Mason at Mighty Girl: Outdoor cafe table for an impromptu conference call. I chose the one near train tracks, with a firehouse up the street. On garbage day.

From Rebecca Woolf at Girl's Gone Child: Wonder if Chastity Bono will go by Chas when she becomes a he. Probably won't be going by Tity.



P.S.: Also check this out (the 10 Twitter behaviors that would make you look crazy in real life). Hilarious! I especially like no 4: Walking into a crowd on Friday morning and shouting out the names of eight best friends.

They say gardening teaches you patience...

And they're right. (Parenting works wonders, too).

My garden is still not how I would like it to be, but it's much better than it was when I arrived at the house five summers ago. I am always going between pride about what I've accomplished, annoyance at things that still left to be desired, and slight despondency at the time and effort it takes to achieve results, time and effort I don't always have, not for gardening anyway.

All through my 20s I dreamed of finally having a garden of my own, and at first I was a little disappointed that ours wasn't that big. Now, while I still love gardening, I'm mostly relieved about its size, because otherwise it would be a full time-job!

I come from a long line of gardeners, spent my childhood and teenage years with images of wonderful lush gardens, helping my father and grandmother tend to their plants, and living summers at the rhythm of what was growing and what was blooming. I want to be up to them. I want to teach these values to my son, too.

I feel especially good about a couple of things:



The big box for fresh herbs M built for me three years ago. It looks great and I love just heading out on the patio and snipping off things to add to our meals. I miss it dearly during the winter, and re-discover it with real joy in the spring. Some varieties, like dill and chives, even come back year after year on their own.




And my peonies! (Word in French is so great: pivoine). When I first moved in there was one meager plant, who produced one small flower that year. I have always loved peonies, and associate them with the greatest memories of my childhood, spent at my grandmother's gorgeous riverside house. She had a big hedge of them around the patio, and my hometown being so far north, they used to bloom in July instead of in June like they do here.

I thought this corner of our house would be the perfect place to put a continuous hedge of peonies, who never fail to remind me of her. So I planted several tubers of different varieties, color and shapes...



Then I waited, and waited. Peonies are hardy and tolerate all kinds of conditions, but they're also stubborn and very capricious. They start off slowly, don't like to be moved at all, and take their time. The second year, I had a couple more flowers, then the year after a few more again.

This year, FIVE summers later, the vision of my peonies hedge has finally come to life. They look wonderful, they smell wonderful. And this brings me complete domestic bliss.

Some "now" local buzz

[Xavier Dolan in the picture accompanying a recent article in Le Soleil -the paper where M's dad worked during 35 years]

I've been wildly curious about this film called J'ai tué ma mère (I killed my mother). The Montreal actor and director behind it, Xavier Dolan, is 20 years old. It's his first film project, period, and not only it was shown at the Cannes festival, but it won three prizes. The critics (for instance this one by The Gazette, the local English-language daily newspaper), are at his feet, and the box-office is resounding loudly. The guy is not at all surprised to find himself there, like this is the most natural thing in the world. They say he's brilliant, articulate, arrogant, mature and flamboyant. I am a little fascinated by it all.


Also, this new ad, airing every evening during the 6 o'clock news. It's absolutely stunning, well-shot, philosophical, inspiring and endearing. I've seen it in French (and I think the commentary and the voice is better), but I was able to find an English-version on YouTube:




And then you see that the ad was made by a company that manages a chain of funeral parlors.

I'm so torn. On one hand it's beautiful and true and the essence of life's preciousness... On the other hand there's this uneasiness in my throat, and I feel like I don't want to know that. I don't want to be reminded of it, at all.

When taking chances pays off...

I've spent a lot of time looking at online wedding po*n in the past year, and I knew that great pictures are important. I wanted them. But the problem is I didn't want to pay for them. I was completely crushed back when we wanted to get hitched in NY, and I discovered that there "bargain" photogs started at about $4,000, and that $8,000 did not seem abnormal...

Doing it here meant that we could hire this graphic designer M and I had both worked with. Not a pro, but someone very artistic, with access to stellar equipment (his sister works at the best pro photo store here), and some experience with weddings (he's done the job for two couple of friends).

He has left the company we used to work for, has moved, and none of my friends had his new digits. So the only way I had to reach him was through Facebook. He quickly agreed to do it, and we were thrilled, but then while nothing had been decided (no price, no confirmation, no details, etc.) we just didn't hear from him again. As the date neared I was sending e-mails, and he wasn't replying. So I panicked a little, and tried to look for a Plan B. He replied, I breathed, then I asked him to call M to figure out the details. Again, no word from him.

At this point (about 10 days before) we freaked out and again started to look for an alternative.
We made a crazy judgment call I feel so bad about (he was usually working on shoots with his girlfriend, but a few months back I had seen on FB that he was now single. So we very stupidly assumed that maybe she had been the reliable element, and that perhaps he was now living a wild partying single-dude lifestyle -so dumb on my part, but in my FB feed I kept seeing pictures of parties he'd been to, or his accepted invitations to events... We weren't sure if we could count on him anymore).

We were even ready to shell big bucks for a replacement we didn't know! Then we calmed down and said carpe diem, let's not spend the last few days worrying about this. Worst comes to worst, M said that he could make do and shoot some pictures himself (that's his main hobby, he has a nice camera and he's quite good -he even has a large portfolio of pictures to sell on stock websites) and ask his mom, who's taken photography lessons, to take a few portraits of us two/three.

The next day, the photog called, and everything was peachy again. He would do it for $100 an hour, and M would process the pictures himself. We told him we would need him for about three hours. It had never occurred to us to have someone following us all day, and we were simply not at all into traditional, overtly scripted or posed shots. We simply wanted good memories of that day, and since we knew he wasn't a pro we had adjusted our expectations accordingly.

On the day of the wedding, he showed up right on time. And much to our surprise, with the girlfriend in question! I guess we'll never know the bottom of this story but I'm really happy they patched things up because she's awesome and they go great together. So we ended up with two photogs for the price of one! They quickly showed us what they had at the end of the day right from their cameras, and we were floored. It looked completely professional and amazing. They have a real knack for capturing the little moments and details we were so fond of, without ever being in the way. You could already tell that the pictures had personality, and were telling the story and reflecting the vibe of the wedding superbly. It was a thousand times above our expectations! They even set up a photo booth which was one of the things I dreamed of having but never mentioned because I was sure we couldn’t afford it.

In the end, they gave us two DVDs containing a total of about 1,400 pictures. We quickly narrowed it down to about 800 OK ones, and although we're not even done yet, we'll probably end up with about 150 great ones. Some of them exceptional. My wildest dreams expectations were one exceptional one, and maybe 50 OK ones. We don't have many posed portraits, we don't have pictures of everything and everyone, but it was a counscious decision we made not to spend too much time posing for photos, so I am perfectly fine with it.

Since then, M and I keep slapping our own foreheads and voicing our regret for having ever doubted him. All in all, the photography has been the most pleasant surprise of the entire day. For $400, people (we decided to give them an extra $100), we were certainly not entitled to make lifestyle judgments or go all ballistics on him. Especially with the quality of these pictures. We've been stupid. And I'm sorry.

Sorry to be such a killjoy

Only 10 days ago we spent a perfect day with our little NY friend Liam, and he was the picture of a completely healthy, vibrant, carefree, deliriously happy child. On Friday he underwent a series of tests and scans at the hospital, like he must do every three months because his cancer, neuroblastoma, is known to be fast-growing and relentless.

On Saturday his parents, for the third time, received the worst news you can ever imagine. Since his last scans Liam has developed new tumors in soft tissue beneath his lungs, and has been put back on chemo yet again already. After this current course of treatment which will hopefully shrink the tumors, he will have to undergo surgery, yet again.

How could this be possible? How could one five year-old child and his parents be put through so much? I am really down and angry at this unfairness. Thinking at how they will probably view this wonderful day at their country house (with us) as their last day of relative normality before returning to hell. Seeing the most recent pictures of Liam who once again had to leave the universe of school friends, playgrounds and bike riding for the draining one of the hospital, just hurts me inside.

LP, who’s now just entered the “why” phase I’ve been expecting for a while, has been asking: “Pourquoi maman mon ami Liam est malade? Pourquoi maman Liam est à l’hôpital?” (Why mommy is my friend Liam sick? Why is he at the hospital?). To hear him say it breaks my heart even more because it makes it more real.

I can’t stop hugging him, smelling him, stroking his hair and poking his little nose, and trying to drink his wonderful, mischievous laugh in. I don’t know how I could live while knowing that something is threatening his well-being, health, childhood, and life. And yet Gretchen and Larry must do it everyday. Since February 2007 (the whole extend of my son's existence), they must find the excruciating courage to go on, to conquer another setback, to hide their pain and fear from their children, and to protect them from this ugly world of cancer. That’s all I had to say.

Soy milk: friend or foe?

I never liked the taste of cow’s milk much, and M is really intolerant to lactose. So we’re drinking soy milk at home, and keeping cow’s milk mostly for cooking and baking, simple as that.

LP is having both, even though he’s never been a big drinker of either. When I tell people he drinks maybe about 4 ounces a day, they usually freak out, but it’s what it is. I always encourage him to drink more, I give him other dairy products and a daily multivitamin, but for the most part I let go. I don’t think you should force your kids to eat or drink anything.

You may or may not agree with me and that’s fine, but I have this whole idea that drinking tons of milk is not necessarily good for you. First, we’re the only mammal that keeps drinking it even after we’re weaned. Second, it is virtually absent from many, many cultures in the world, and people still thrive. And third, it doesn’t make sense to me that it’s supposed to be so important when a majority of the adult population cannot digest it properly.

Anyway, I like soymilk because it’s gentle on the stomach and it tastes mostly like milkshake (with a cereal aftertaste I don’t mind). Even if it not a natural product per se (it’s processed and contains quite a bit of sugar), it is de facto organic (I’m worried about artificial hormones and antibiotics in cow’s milk) and to top it off, soy is an antioxidant-filled, cancer-fighting, heart-healthy super-food, right?

Or so we thought. Until M read an article that made us gasp at our fridge in horror. According to it, what has been touted has a nutritional jackpot could actually be “the most dangerous food” ever for men. More specifically, the phytoestrogens naturally contained in soy could potentially do real damage to men’s hormonal systems.

We asked people who know what they’re talking about, and although they all said that there is no definite study proving that soy is actually bad for you, they all hinted that in this case, it would be advisable to be more prudent than perhaps necessary. I was especially alarmed at the results of a study done on mice fed soy-based infant formula, which showed shrinkage of their thymus gland, that part of our immune system that's responsible for healthy white blood cells.

I’m trying not to panic, but holy cow (no pun intended). I’m thinking about M’s little "soldiers", which we might need again someday! And it was already difficult for us to conceive, even before we started drinking soy milk. Obviously, I’m also mostly thinking about LP’s small body in full-fledged growing phase… Gosh. The ubiquitous pesticides and environmental toxins, the BPA in baby bottles, the lead in plastic, the tainted formula, and now this. What's a mother gotta do to reasonably protect her child?

I went back to (organic) cow’s milk for LP. As for M, he still hasn’t decided if he wants to switch to either rice or almond milk, which don't taste nearly as good as soy, or carry Lactase with him wherever he goes.

One day, I will be able to say I was once a wedding graduate

I really loved doing my Graduate post on A Practical Wedding last week. First, obviously, it brought quite a bit of traffic, more than this blog had ever seen. Things have calmed down (I wish I could have retained all the readers but we all know that’s not how it works), but I love seeing that some people are coming back, are interested in what I do, even though this has never specifically been a "wedding blog".

I loved the comments above everything else, including the nice words Meg had to say about me (and the comment from her dad was so sweet)! I thought it was so funny and I loved it when in an e-mail she told me that I was among her parents’ favorite readers (or I should say commenters) and that they would be so excited by the post!

It was pure joy to see that people I didn’t even know thought our event had been beautiful and inspiring (especially on my birthday!) Some of the things they said were quite deep and touching. One gal wrote that I had made her feel better about their own decision to postpone their wedding for financial reasons (something she felt really grim about), because she realized that just like we had completely changed our plans and still found a way to pull off something that was maybe even better than the original scenario we used to feel so attached to, things would eventually fall into place for her wedding as well, for the best. Someone else wrote that for years and years she and her fiancé couldn’t muster the practical courage to schedule and plan the event, but that my post reminded her that it was all about reaffirming the commitment and love they already had…

I also really enjoyed that different people extracted different things that “spoke” to them more. For some, it was how we made everyone take a verbal pledge that they would be there to support us in our marriage. For others, the DIY aspect and how I said it kept me sane, the small number of guests and intimate feel, or the fact that we only had 7 weeks between the confirmation date and the wedding itself. Another one remarked that she loved the informal ceremony, with everyone simply standing in the field around us without anything else (said she tried to sell the idea to her fiancé and family but was quickly shut down. :-( Why, oh why people do you have to have such rigid ideas of what a wedding has to be?) Some commented on my shooz and on my son (yes of course I also think he’s adorable but this doesn’t count).

Only one person I know in real life left a comment, and surprisingly it wasn't someone from my immediate circle, but rather a former co-worker from Paraguay with whom I only had sporadic contact for a while. Really warms my heart, to see how you can still be important in the life of people you don't always suspect.

But the sense of community (and a community of really kick-a** smart gals that completely knock down the bridezilla stereotype to the ground at that) is what I am most fond of. Not too far from now, all of them will be married and past the project of planning, but I sure still hope they hang around.

Rachel getting married

Yes, I absolutely loved that movie (it made me really confident about our choice to add many punches of color because man was that wedding beautiful or what)...

But that's not what it's about right now. Today is my beautiful London blog friend Rachel (and groom M)'s big day! Good luck and hope everything is like you dreamed it would be in all its peacock feather glory!

Guys and weddings

Usually, guys are not that interested in weddings. One time I saw this ribbon purveyor on the Martha Stewart show. He looked like a typical fa-bu-lous guy working in the design business, as queer as one can be. But when she asked him how he became interested in frilly and delicate ribbons, he replied that it was when his wife and he started planning their own wedding. I know this makes me a bit of a bad and prejudiced person, but after that I just felt kinda sorry for his wife.

Guys can be involved in the planning nonetheless, but usually it’s in the less frou-frou and detail-oriented bits. I know many brides say they wish their groom would do more, but honestly I don’t think that’s true. They may complain that they have sooo much on their plates, but I’m still not sure they would be ready to relinquish control to their guy, no matter how great and supportive he is. M was pretty opinioned about the process, and has a good eye for design, but in the end, he’s still a guy. Just don’t ask him to arrange flowers or cupcakes. Subtleties and prettiness are way out of his radar, and that’s the way I like it. Do you think many brides actually want their groom to feel completely elated at the sight of a dupioni silk persimmon ribbon?

We are only a few women at my office, and so the guys don’t really view me as a chick anymore, hence they tell me stuff they wouldn’t necessarily tell their significant others. And it really struck me that about every one of my married co-workers held some major grudge and/or disappointment towards their own wedding. When they start opening up about it just a little, they all have a similar response: “Oh it was way too expensive and too big and over-the-top and I felt completely lost within it and it went against everything I stand for…”

But?

You people are going to love the but part. “But it was important to her.”

Now, some could argue that these are decent men who deeply care about their wives. And that’s true. But it still makes me feel funny. Because the big traditional wedding was important to her, it means you have to go on with something that makes you feel sick in the stomach, go above and beyond your means, or forgo your own fundamental principles (as in marrying in a church for an atheist, for instance)?

It’s pretty clear that the wedding was more important to me than it was to M, and it’s probably the case for most couples. But one of the main things I felt about it was that it should be “our day,” and it should reflect us BOTH. They were definitely times during the planning when he rolled his eyes at me, but I'm pretty sure that there were none when he felt deeply uncomfortable with something. In fact, I’m going to take a chance in saying that when he talks about it while I'm not there, he's probably enthusiastic (certainly not about the cupcakes, but maybe about the great vibes we felt surrounded with) and his eyes sparkle a little.

This does not mean you should not compromise (granted we both saw eye-to-eye on the big picture and it made things easier), but it still seems to me that from the bride’s perspective, it’s not really considerate for the groom (who’s, you know, only the person you’re going to spend your life with) to want to carry out her wedding fantasy at any cost, regardless of how he felt about it.

Why do guys tend to let girls get away with this attitude? It’s not OK! Wanting a great wedding is one (perfectly understandable) thing, but not caring to listen to the groom’s feelings about it (or worse, going against them) is another. Don’t you think it’s so sad when someone talks about their day with a voice full of regret, weighing their words carefully as to not sound too negative (and in doing so sounding it very much anyway)?

And for the record, there are a couple of guys here who enjoyed and even loved their weddings. The events in question were all a little different and somehow made a little more personal.

Places my nose visited

[Cafe Sacher in Vienna (source)]

The smell of places is always a big part of the traveling experience for me. It's also a big part of my memories from them. Is it the same for you?



New York, where I was last weekend, always smells like smoke and grilling meat.

Paris smells like urine (sorry, it proved true every time I went) and powdered vanilla sugar (the macaroons and other little confiseries).

Frankfurt, where I lived for a year, smells like anise, sausage, mulled wine and sugar-coated nuts.

Seoul smells like really pungent spices, red bean cakes and silkworm stew (indescribable).

London smells like cigarette, hot tea and jacket potato fillings.

Northern Italy (Verona and Mantua) smells like rosemary, acacia honey and wisteria.

Corsica smells like myrrh and mimosa flowers.

The California coast smells like saltwater, wild dill and evergreens.

Mexico smells like humidity, hibiscus and cilantro.

Barcelona smells like heat, sangria and just a hint of sewage.

Prague smells like beer, cured meats and vinegar.

Vienna smells like dust, exquisite coffee and pastries.

Switzerland smells like wet grass and milk chocolate.

Amsterdam smells like boat fuel, cheese and caramel wafers.

Miami smells like coconut, syrupy cocktails and cigar.

I could go on and on…

Five insightful minutes, two birthdays and two LPs

At the local produce market, arriving at the cash register. LP is how he is on bad days, high-strung, needy, agitated, impatient, restlessly shouting and whining "maman, maman, maman!..." for no reason. The cashier is on the phone, quickly hanging up. She apologizes, explaining that it's her son's 16th birthday and he wants to know how soon she's coming home. That's funny, I think to myself. I can very much remember the day this boy was born. I was celebrating my 18th birthday in La Rochelle, France, it was an absolutely gorgeous and perfect day, and I was so hungry for life, so adventurous, so fearless. Gosh, this was my official coming of age and someone born on that day is now 16 years old...

The woman gently tells LP off, saying that before she saw him, she thought he was very distressed because of his shouting, but now, she can see that he's all fine and maybe just being a little dramatic. "He's always like that..." I say with a smile.

"Yeah, he's... insecure," she offers. And two things come to my mind. One, a breakthrough I had during one of the few therapy sessions I had taken years ago to resolve some issues with failed relationships, when I had suddenly put the finger on my own insecurity. And two, that I had never seen it this way, but this woman who doesn't know us at all might have just said the simplest and truest thing I've ever heard about my son.

I pay, while my child munches on some plastic packaging. "Don't put that in your mouth LP..." I tell him, while taking it off. "His name is LP?" the woman asks, grinning. I nod. People never remark on his name, which we picked by combining the first names of our great-grandfathers, and which is very normal and average, neither a unique far-fetched thing nor one that is common at all.

But it turns out it was also the name of her son.

Internet friends are still very much that

Our New York weekend was so fantastic! Yes of course I’m always thrilled to be in that city, to just hop on its high-energy train and drink it all in, and I’m sure that will never change.

But what made this weekend so special was the time we spent with the Witts, Liam and his family. His Central Park birthday party on Saturday was really fun, and since it was our second time there we could recognize some faces and talk with people that are part of their universe. We befriended Cat, one of Liam’s nurses, who told us that the next time we come to the city, she would love to give us a tour of the pediatric cancer clinic. Can you imagine how important and meaningful and amazing her work is? Makes me all teary and emotional just to think about it.

On Sunday the Witts were kind enough to invite us to their weekend house in rural New Jersey. We were absolutely blown away by how wonderful (and I’m weighing my words) it was and spent the loveliest day with them. We felt completely welcomed within their lives, and had the greatest time together, just like we had known each other forever. The kids were playing and having a blast and just doing what they should do (undergoing serious and painful treatments is what they should not (have to) do).

Liam looks so great, so big and with the most gorgeous head of silky, slightly wavy-in-the-back hair you can imagine. After seeing him lose it twice to chemo, his mom says now she simply doesn't want to cut it again. You should have seen him patiently teaching “baby” LP how to do stuff, show him the frogs in his pond, and tell his little sister not to worry about the bugs. When we left he gave me a really strong and warm hug, and planted a big kiss right on my lips. This meant EVERYTHING to me from this boy, who really went through hell and back, and who touched me so deeply and personally even before I met him…

I really hope in all my heart that the rest of this family’s life is only made of blessed, relaxed, fantastic country summer weekend days like the one we spent there. It’s hard for me to explain the bond his mom Gretchen and I have, but there’s something there that goes beyond words. Never in a million years could I say that I understand her pain, but maybe as a mom I can just attempt to imagine its depth and genuinely wish that I could take a little of it on my own shoulders.

Cancer really doesn’t care how wonderful, happy, and privileged you are. But I still believe that if someone can beat this disease, Liam can. Fingers crossed, knocking on wood and never for a second stopping to hope.

I still don’t know what brought me to reach out to them a year and a half ago, after reading about them in a magazine, then following their blog. But there was something there, something that changed my life. I had never done such a thing, but I simply had to. I didn’t think we would enter into their lives and become friends. I didn’t think I would feel so personally invested into this fight to save all children with cancer.

I don't care what some people say about the fakeness of people you meet online. Yeah so maybe you can't actually call your blog friends every five minutes or for the matter have them provide a physical shoulder to cry on, but it doesn't make the connection you make with them any less real and meaningful. Sharing their little victories, setbacks, or life events is just as important to me as if I were there to actually witness them. The thing is, you don’t need to be close to provide (or receive) support. You don’t have to call someone every five minutes to show that you care. And Internet friends can very much become real ones.

I’ve said it before, but making all these friends through blogging has been the most unexpected and awesome experience for me. And with this -I hope- enduring friendship created between two families from different countries, which is so positive and heartwarming and major in my life, I feel like I totally have the perfect anecdote to shut these people up for good.

Our very own practical wedding

Please run to A Practical Wedding for my Wedding Graduate guest post this morning!

And thank you Meg, for this wonderful opportunity. I've been reading this blog ever since I got engaged, and it always provided a wonderful and intelligent respite from the sometimes-craziness that is wedding planning.

Thirty-four years and counting

a.k.a. my birthday.

I feel kinda bad for people who hate growing old. Of course now you're going to make me eat my words when I turn 50 and freak out, but right now this feels good. Great even.

I'm in such a good place right now, physically, mentally, emotionally. So far, my thirties are so much better than my twenties ever were, and I wouldn't go back for all the money in the world. I'm not so bad for a pushing-35 mommy, now am I?

Thank you life, again, for all that you gave me. Simply, honestly, fully.

Good luck, Krista!

Hope that the weather is great in Kingston today for your wedding.

Have fun and looking forward to see how it went!

And also, bon voyage à Paris!

Start spreading the news...

I'm so excited because we're heading off to New York this afternoon for a whirlwind weekend. We were really thrilled to be invited to our amazing little friend (who happens to be a cancer patient but that so does not define him) Prince Liam the Brave's birthday party. It will be our second birthday celebration with him and his wonderful family, and for us that's priceless. Liam is now 5! He was 2 when he was diagnosed, and he's faced such unbelievable hardship but has beaten the odds and has never dampened his spirit. M and I both agree that in this case especially, every birthday should be treasured and reveled!

Let's say it will also be a little advance celebration for my own B-day, which is Monday. Last year this is when we got engaged (in Bryant Park), and there you go, now this year we're going back as newlyweds! (And no, there's no sibling in the making. Not yet anyway...)

More pictures?

Sure, help yourselves.







{Dad and stepmom}
{My sister's family}

{I think someone has a new girlfriend...}





{I think someone's happy he fulfilled his ring bearer duties...}





I also updated last week's food post with new eye candy, so please stop by (again)!

Friendship, part II

Remember that four-pregnant-chicks-in-a-row picture I recently posted of my whale-size self and three best friends? That was so 2006, people.

Here's the 2009 version:


That's got to be one of my favorite pictures EVER. It perfectly sums up the vibe of the wedding. That's exactly what it's all about, isn't it?

The wedding budget (drumroll please)

All prices in Canadian dollars. ($1 CAN = $0.90 US, and £0.55).

Everything is approximate; I did not keep exact tabs.

Number of guests: 40, including 9 children. Formula: afternoon cocktail party with tasting of all the yummy cider products made by the orchard where it was taking place, and accompanied by luxe hors d’oeuvres.
-----------------------------------------
Wedding gown (Isaac Mizrahi for Target): $175 (including extra fabric for alterations made by my mom, shipping price for returning the second dress I had ordered, sash (made by my mom), and having the dress steamed by a dry cleaner. Initial price of dress itself was $65 US).
My shoes (J.Crew): $350. Since I had been so reasonable on the dress I figured my shoes would be my one wedding splurge. I love shoes in general, but I totally fell in love with these ones in particular and had to have them. Hell, the whole color scheme for the wedding came from them! And I will wear them again, although they’re not exactly everyday shoes.
My headpiece (self-made using my mom's vintage rhinestone button): $15

The pashmina I wore for the ceremony (since it was so cold) was a present my mother-in-law gave me a few years ago.

I also had beautiful chandelier earrings M bought me the first month we were dating, but I forgot to put them on before leaving the house...

Hair: $65 (including highlights, toner, blow-out and styling)

Make-up: Free at the nearby drugstore since I purchased a product I needed anyway

M’s outfit (Kenneth Cole): $500 (including shirt and alterations (it was 40% off). He used his own tie. I decided not to add it to the total budget since he wears suits for work and usually buys a new one every year anyway)

M’s customized Converses: $80
LP’s outfit (Zara): $50. He wore his own Converses and I had bought the jacket last year for my sister’s wedding, hoping that it would fit, but it was too big back then. So this year I just got matching linen pants and a blue shirt.

Flowers (self-made): $120 (including my bouquet, 14 boutonnieres (made by my friend Julie with leftover ribbon from the invitations), one large table arrangement, and four smaller ones. At the last minute, since they were in bloom, I decided to add white lilacs from my own backyard).
Venue: $1460 (including the fee for the location itself, the booze, and the wonderful gift baskets they prepared for our guests). We reused leftover fabric from my sash as the tablecloth for the gift table.

Rentals: $720 (including the tent we ended up not using, tables, chairs, tablecloths, and glasses)

Blossoming apple trees: Free and priceless!

Rings (Etsy for him and Blue Nile for me): $370 for both

Officiant and paperwork: $450

Photography: $400 (three hours of shooting by two photographs, processing done by M)

Videography: Free (done by my brother-in-law who gave us a really nicely done and designed souvenir DVD after)

Guestbook, decorations and various supplies, smurfs cake toppers, little favors for kids, etc.: $150 (Polaroid camera and film were borrowed)
Food (made by my mother and I): $500 in total, minus a $175 Costco rebate we had, so $325.
Waitress/helper I hired for the reception (a co-worker's 15 year-old daughter, who did the job great): $80

Cupcakes and stand decoration (cupcake stand was borrowed): $100

Invitations (self-made): $60 (including postage)

Total: $4970

We are both extremely happy about how it turned out and think it's still mucho dinero to spend on a party anyway! We're not broke, but we just didn't think it was worth getting into debt or making a whole lot of sacrifices to make what we already had official. What do you guys think?