So... *this* is what you should do when you're pregnant

When we go antiquing, one of my favorite things to find are lifestyle, etiquette, and how-to books from long-gone eras. It's always hilarious to see how customs or advice from the time are now either ridiculous and/or utterly nonsensical. I have a few on different topics (all in French): from very stuffy general savoir-vivre ("no one would even think about writing a thank-you note with a pen which ink is a different color than black; this would be an enormous, shameful faux-pas that might prevent you from ever being invited into that house again"), to courtship ("giving in to your physical urges before marriage would guarantee a lifetime of unhappiness and personal demise"), and child-rearing ("let your baby out in the sun for as long as possible, while only wearing a diaper. Several hours a day would be ideal").


But my favorite one is this, published in 1942 by the Canadian government (in both official languages), about pregnancy, childbirth and infancy. Its message was quite clear: your doctor knows best (I suppose this was a time when, especially outside of cities, women were still a little wary of them). All these books more or less follow the same model of annoying know-it-all-ness, but this one is something else: patronizing as hell, extremely badly written, full of ridiculous self-explanatory pictures...

Here are a few gems from it.

-Expecting ladies were told to "avoid medical books and such readings," because their "too great" complexity could be easily "subject to misinterpretations" from the part of, you know, stupid ignorant women.

-If the woman heard anyone saying anything bad about doctors in general and their doctor in particular, they were told to leave the room. "Anyone criticizing him to you (and at the same time in your condition) lacks discernment to say the least and should not be taken seriously."

{A perfect example of what a "good" pregnant woman should do: sit by the fire with her feet up, knit, drink milk, and read. Actually, even though the picture is followed by a sexist bit about how women should try to "control themselves" and avoid going shopping, I must admit it doesn't sound half bad...}

-You were supposed to wear a corset throughout your pregnancy, but not a regular one (because god knows that would be insane), rather a specially designed one that adapted to your changing shape.

-I understand that you were forbidden from, like, going skiing or riding a motorcycle (I wouldn't do it even today), but other no-nos are a little more puzzling: using a sewing machine, listening to the radio (it could wreck your nervous system, not to mention the "vibrations" could be harmful to the baby), going to the movies or theater ("too many upsetting emotions")... Traveling by car was, according to the book, a new "maybe," after years of being prohibited (whoa, the freedom is killing me). However, it is also noted that most soon-to-be-mothers should abstain from driving, in case it would "make them too nervous".

-At least a few times during your pregnancy, you were supposed to measure the amount of urine you passed during a day, and tell your doctor if it was less than 3 pints. (Let's have a moment of silence over this one, shall we?)

{So it's your appointment, but don't forget that you should let your husband sit closer to the doc and ask the questions. He also knows best}.

-It was stated that while there was no way to "obtain solace" from the constant fetal movements, occupying yourself with your daily housework chores would at least "distract" you from them.

-If you wanted to wash your hair, it was preferable to have another person do it for you, since the prolonged arm raising could somehow hurt the baby (?). But at the same time, going to the salon was a no-no, since sitting there on the chair could prove to be "too tiring".

-You were also supposed to prepare your boobies for nursing by rubbing them with a stiff brush daily and even washing them with alcohol (?). Women were warned that "too many mothers end up not being able to breastfeed due to improper or inconsistent advance preparation." Mhhh, yeah. When you struggle with that at the beginning, it's exactly what you need to hear. That it's your and your damn achy tits' fault.

-Although the book does clearly promote nursing over formula (which probably wasn't the case anymore just 15 or so years later), it also advised that you could feed newborns cow milk, to which you only needed to add water and corn syrup, then boil for three minutes. Providing you knew that the animals were healthy (no mention of pasteurization or sterilization), this homemade formula was deemed "perfectly safe".

-Schedules were apparently extremely important. Even if you breastfed, you were only supposed to do so either every three hours or every four hours on the dot, regardless of your baby's hunger or cries of desperation. The advantage of the first method was to be able to skip nighttime feedings, even from birth (?), while the advantage of the second one was that you would have fewer disruptions while performing your housework duties (What's the friggin' obsession with those???).

-Strangely, though, if feeding your kid wasn't a good enough reason to wake up at night, potty training was. So the advice was to put your baby on the toilet every hour from 1 to 5 AM every night, for as long as the child did not get the memo about not doing in diapers anymore.

{The all-over newspaper covering, the apron, the mask... Geez people, are you *sure* you've done enough before giving an infant a bath? What about haz mat suits?}