Baby matinee

Every Wednesday at the local cinema, there are two special "Strollers and Stars" showings: one French and one English movie presented especially for parents (mostly moms) with babies. Believe it or not, I had never been with LP. Why not? I don't know. He was so fussy, and I was so stressed about it. I had a hard time breastfeeding in public, even while covered and such. It seemed overwhelming. Yadda-yadda-yadda.

His sister can also be quite fussy, but I'm still so glad I decided to go anyway. I am looking forward to it all week. I used to go see movies a lot, haven't been much since I was first pregnant, and missed it dearly. It feels awesome to be able to see and talk about what other people see and talk about, what is discussed on TV, in magazines, papers, and social media...

Kudos to the theater that decided to go with this, despite it meaning they can only sell half the tickets they would normally (each mom takes two seats: one for her, one for the carrier and baby gear). It's a little less expensive than usual, the sounds is a little muffled, and they reserve space for all the strollers. They provide a microwave for heating baby food or bottles, and there's a changing table, complete with diapers and baby wipes (so I don't even have to bring a diaper bag).

Sometimes I go with my friend G and her baby boy, and we have lunch beforehand. Sometimes I go alone with my daughter. Sometimes F sleeps through it all, and sometimes she cries a lot, so I have to get up and bounce her, thus missing small bits of the movie. But it doesn't matter. It has become a special part of my week; how else could I have seen Black Swan (which was supremely beautiful and equally disturbing)? Or the pretty good Québécois but bilingual disco-era movie Funkytown? Or Incendies, another local flick which mostly takes place in Lebanon, and was nominated for the foreign-language Oscar?

Changing diapers while watching a movie on a big screen, or trying to hear everything among lots of different baby cries is a bit surreal, but in a good way. I noticed that babies cry more during dramatic showings than during rom-coms, perhaps because the mothers or the atmosphere in general are more tense?

One weird thing though. Every week, there are a few outsiders as well: elderly couples, small groups of ladies, just people without babies. I really don't know why cashiers let them buy the ticket anyway, as it's pretty clear they don't really know what they're in for. One time, a posh older woman asked us: "Well, isn't it a bit loud of a place to bring a baby?" Another time after the credits, a couple besides me remarked: "There sure were a lot of young mothers here today..." Uh, duh? I'm surprised they're not all fleeing out after a few minutes (sometimes they do). It's a great activity for a new mom on mat leave; but why would you go through all the crying and general constant movement if you don't have to?

Numéro seize

According to The Economist, Montreal is the 16th most liveable city in the world. Well, actually, we share the honor ex-aequo with Paris.

Here is the top ten list:

1. Vancouver, Canada
2. Melbourne, Australia
3. Vienna, Austria
4. Toronto, Canada
5. Calgary, Canada
6. Helsinki, Finland
7. Sydney, Australia
8. (equal) Perth, Australia
8. (equal) Adelaide, Australia
10. Auckland, New Zealand

How come Canada and Australia so dominate the list? Well, even outside both being part of the Commonwealth, we do have a lot in common -although unfortunately not the climate: both countries are wealthy and have low population densities, both have a similar approach to social measures, and both mainly have "mid-size" cities. 

Tokyo is 18th, London is 53rd, New York is 56th. These megalopolises lost points because of "traffic, crime rates, and poor public transit". The 140-city study rated stability, cultural and environmental aspects, quality and accessibility of health care, as well as education infrastructure.

I only went to Vancouver once and it was a GREAT city, but I still find it surprising it's number one in the world. Crime rates are higher than anywhere in Canada (although still quite low), not to mention it's freakin' expensive to live there. And what about here? Well, Montreal is a good place to live, for sure. But public transit kind of sucks compared to anything I've seen in Europe, and there's the winter... Yes, here I go again, the winter grinch, I-should-learn-to-live-with-it, and all. But really there's no way. I strongly feel that nice outdoorsy scenery and winter sports aside, our crazy long and harsh cold season can greatly impede on one's quality of life.

I would, however, move to Oz any day.

Something smells fishy

We love fish and could probably eat it several times a week, if not every day. However, in the last few years, we've become increasing wary of it, amidst concerns of both overfishing and toxicity. Since reading Marion Nestle's What to Eat, I've never looked at fish the same -main nutritional authorities keep pushing for people to eat more fish, for instance to increase one's intake of Omega-3 fatty acids. But nearly no one mentions that the salmon we usually have available here is farmed -hence, not eating the diet it would have in the wild, which greatly reduces its health benefits. It's also full of antibiotics, artificial dyes (no, when it's farmed it's not naturally pink), toxins and various contaminants. Most (but not all) farming also pollutes the water considerably, probably even destroys entire eco-systems. What about wild salmon? Well, if it's from the Atlantic, it's a threatened species. Only some wild salmon (like the Coho) from the Pacific is sustainable; but then it's not local. See the conundrum? I've increasingly wondered: Can we eat fish at all?

Nestle's opinion on the subject is very grim. Wild is better than farmed in most cases, and small is always better than large. But other than that, she basically thinks that no fish is currently perfectly safe, simply because no water is perfectly safe anymore. She's largely discussing the US, where heavy metals and other chemicals have leached into the water ever since the 19th century; I think here, where some people fly to the deserted North to fish in pristine lakes, it's probably still not that bad. But to have access to that fish, you would have to know someone who goes (my grandfather used to); it's not the one you find in supermarkets.

Sustainability is also a big problem: many experts believe that the stocks we are used to will simply not be there anymore very soon. We're not talking hundreds of years here, but something that will happen within our lifetime, maybe even before my kids become shoppers themselves. This is not something you often hear about here, but I know that in other countries, it's a big thing: sushi chefs have modified the kinds they use, restaurants have stopped using the most contaminated and most threatened species, etc. Big food for thought for me anyway (pun intended)... 

Last weekend while thinking about our Saturday night dinner (which we always try to make a little special), M suggested we pay a visit to this new big poissonerie (fishmonger) near where we live. So we did. The place had a definite upscale, foodie aura I liked... Until I started looking at their huge, huge, fresh fish counter. We're not the most familiar with all the specific "unethical" kinds, but we knew enough to know that this wasn't good at all. All the names I had read should be avoided were there in gargantuan quantities: red tuna, swordfish, dorade, barramundi, sea bass, turbot, Atlantic salmon, shark, halibut, cod... I was noxious. It's pretty clear they were completely oblivious to any of the issues... And I really expected a specialized, expensive place like that to be aware and proactive. I mean, even my supermarket has a "Sustainable Fishing" logo, which I try to favor when shopping (small Nordic shrimp, scallops, North Atlantic lobster, mussels, sardines, herring, etc., are OK). Isn't that crazy backwards thinking, considering that doing that can only lead to this very store HAVING NOTHING LEFT TO SELL in twenty or so years????

The clerk suggested blue marlin. "I don't know that kind, and I'm concerned about sustainability," I said. "Oh and you should be," he replied, with an affected smile. "Let's see." He came back with a sheet of paper, presumably listing all the threatened species. "I don't see it in here." He turned around to ask the two other clerks. "No it's not threatened," hissed the first one, clearly exasperated. "Don't start with that (silliness)!," shrugged the second one. We got the fish. When we went back to the car, M had an idea, and looked for, then downloaded an app containing a list of what fish to buy, and what fish to avoid. Blue marlin was extremely threatened, due to overfishing. It's also a quite large fish, meaning it likely contains a whole lot of mercury, BCPs, and nice harmless things like that.

We came back home and M grilled the fish with fresh pineapple chunks, lime and lemon juice, cumin and turmeric. Its flesh was very fresh, tasty, and meaty. But it still left a really bad taste in my mouth.

There was never going to be any stopping him anyway

Thank you for all your input a few weeks ago when I posted about LP suddenly being interested in learning how to read and write. You all seemed to go with our own intuition: why would you discourage a child from learning and going forward? This reassured me a lot.

Progress on that front has been quite phenomenal since then, actually. It started when I received the following Valentine:

It took me a minute to realize, but when I did I just shrieked with embarrassing pride: "You wrote your name on it!!!" Well, alright, his initials, not his full name. And yes, this is not just his moniker on this blog, we really use it in real life (his name is 14 characters long).

Shortly after that, things like that started to happen:

Us: "Wow, what were you trying to write, LP?" Him: "Well, papa (daddy)!" So we told him how daddy was rather spelled (while explaining that DEHHH didn't mean anything).

We didn't have to say it twice.

Then, maman. (Well, on this one, the letters are not in the correct order).

Then 'bébé', then his grandmother's first name, and so on. "How is 'Rome' spelled?", he'll ask. So we tell him and he writes.

The other day my little car fanatic asked me how 'Volvo' was spelled. (Back in September I got a great deal on a 6 year-old Swedish station wagon -it's only marginally more expensive than my previous sub-compact Toyota. It proved to be a brilliant car, amazingly comfortable, convenient, reliable, fuel-efficient... It has required zero maintenance so far and is possibly the best purchase I've ever made in my life. Yes I know it makes me even more of a cliché). "You know how it's spelled," I replied. "Tell me." He thought about it for a second, then confidently went: "Well, that's easy. The first letter is V, the second one is O, the third one is L..."

He only just turned four. This is all going way too fast.

A few days in New York

It was 12 degrees C (53 F) when we left at 6:30 PM on Monday. When we arrived home at 1:30 AM (500 km up North), it was -9 C (15 F).

Sure it was a little more complicated than usual to go there in the winter with two kids including a three month old. But it can be done. There was some nursing in (clean, single stall-ed) public restrooms and stores' changing rooms. There was a bit of crying in restaurants. There was a very tired boy at the end of the day. We still managed, and we're fine. I never understood why people here do not take more advantage of the amazing, amazing fact that we are located within literally a few hours' drive of the center of the world. Do you know how many people would kill for that? Why are you waiting for?

As much as I always love coming back to my bed, I couldn't shake this feeling as we were walking back to our car to head home, meddling with all the people in the streets going on their way on this ordinary weeknight. How much I would love to be one of them. How much we would love to call it our home.


Saturday

Sunday

Monday

Love like Liam

This is why we were going to New York for. I was immensely pleased to see that even for New Yorkers, which I largely perceive as being hard to impress and even a little jaded, this was newsworthy.

NY Daily News
Kansas City Star
Wall Street Journal
Yahoo News



I'm trying to find the words to tell you how beautiful it was. Sad, yes, but also strangely uplifting. More like a celebration of a life than a day to simply mourn. Liam was a very special little boy. And I wholeheartedly agree with what someone said there: his parents are the most amazing people I've ever seen.

There were tears, but also a certain sense of peace. There was the cast of the Lion King musical on Broadway as church musicians. There were plenty of funny, cute stories. There were dozens of firemen, solemnly helping Liam to depart as if he were one of their own. There were hundreds of people, a huge church completely packed, all wearing orange, the Prince's favorite color. Then there was a beautiful, beautiful mellow party in a huge Chelsea loft overlooking the city, with hearts everywhere, pictures of one of the most beautiful little boy I've ever seen, and thousands of cookies to eat and bring home.

Gretchen, I will hold on to the promise you asked me to make. We will definitely stay in your lives. Hopefully forever.

Yoga as a (cliched) metaphor for child-rearing?

The other day on NPR I heard an interview with Claire Dederer, who just published a book called Poser: My Life in Twenty-three Yoga Poses. I haven't read it yet (have bookmarked it for my next Amazon order), but from what I heard it seemed to be very engaging and interesting. Not so much about yoga, actually, and a lot more about motherhood in a certain milieu the author very well described: that of a very liberal, privileged, urban, educated social circle where one cannot merely raise kids, but is expected to do it a certain way... A way that involves breastfeeding for an extended period, co-sleeping, making your own baby food, eating organic, cloth diapering, baby wearing, etc. And she talked about this unhealthy pressure she felt to do all of these, this deep instinct of women from her generation (she's in her early forties) to raise their children differently than their own mothers did (her mom ran off with a hippie).

I've been thinking a lot about that discussion. I felt it hit close to home, since, well, I do a lot of these... Is that surprising, given that I am a liberal, (just a tiniest bit) privileged, urban, educated female? It took me aback a bit to hear her speak about it in somewhat negative terms -I had never heard or thought about it that way...

I think doing anything just out of social pressure is doing it for the wrong reasons, period, although I can understand how it might be hard to resist. Additionally, taking anything to the extreme can also never be good (she says anyone who used a stroller was automatically deemed an "uneducated dumb*ss" !!!) Finally, as hinted by the author, all of this is simply, unapologetically, all about the kid, regardless of your own welfare and even health (she ruins her back while carrying her gigantic daughter everywhere, hence being introduced to yoga). Which we all know is sometimes necessary and alright. But also a slippery slope towards becoming unable to have normal conversations anymore, not to mention totally forgetting about yourself.

It's also funny to consider how different social expectations can be from one society or circle to another. People are quite pro-breastfeeding here, but then anything longer than six months is considered a big achievement, or maybe even some kind of a martyr-like sacrifice. Apart from that, all of these other parenting choices she discusses would be either considered "way too hard, probably even impossible" by most, or downright judged (co-sleeping in particular).

I mean down the road, everything I do (from the natural childbirths to the babyfood making, organic if possible) is a big messy mix of yes, making a point of questioning everything and trying to make choices that make sense to me -not necessarily what is more widespread. But also: complete chance, winging some things, copying my mom when it comes to food, wariness, laziness and cheapass-ness, drawing personal satisfaction in self-reliance, etc.

 Thoughts?

Let's bitch about ads, part 2

(Part 1 here).



Black Diamond, Fun Cheez

BD exec, brainstorming: "I have a great idea... Let's cut cheese into funny shapes, create an absolutely inane brand imaging with an idiotic mascot, and sell it for four times the normal price!"

Cheese pieces made into fish, dinosaurs and moon shapes, uh? Because we all know that kids won't eat anything if it's not "fun"! Slices of cheese: boring. Bright colors and cartoons on the packaging: now you're talking! Never mind that advertising directly to kids is illegal here; there are great litigators who can always argue that this packaging is targeted to grab the parent's attention, and not intended for children at all.

People, you are obviously allowed to do whatever you want with your own money, and this is just my humble opinion here. But I think that going for the "fun" cheese, and the "fun" yogurt, and the "fun" juice, and the "fun" cereal, seems to be the first step towards a reliable path of your kids insisting to eat "fun" animal-shaped chicken nuggets every day and starting to refuse not-made-for-kids normal food. I mean for crying out loud, kids naturally like cheese, no? It's not broccoli or eggs here, does it really need to be "funned" up???

And if you absolutely insist on creating shapes with your food, which you know, I'm all for once in a while, I have two easy-on-the-wallet words for you: cookie cutters.

On mommy blogging

You know, I don't consider myself a mommy blogger. I like to write, and I tend to write about my life and my thoughts. During the year I planned my wedding, there were a lot of wedding posts here, while I was pregnant, there was a bit of that, etc. I see that continuing to happen -if we move or renovate a house, or launch a business, I'll post about it more.

However, parenting remains my main subject. Because, well, it is a big part of my life. And this blog is also about documenting stuff; it helps me remember the different stages or different events. I also hope the kids can read it one day and have this window on their childhood.

But mommy blogging is not a pretty term. It implies "humorless, self-awareness lacking posts on every single little milestone accompanied by twenty-five pictures," says Cate. It's all about competitiveness and downright nastiness, others remarked. As pointed out by Meg, finally, it was coined by men to patronize and limit the voice of women: "So you write about your children? You're a mommy-blogger!" She told me that when speaking about it to the big names like Heather Armstrong and Maggie Mason, they unanimously thought it was vile. I mean, these women has been (brilliantly) writing for a decade and suddenly, because they had kids, they were mommy-bloggers? Eff!, dixit Meg.

I get all of that. I agree with it. Still, the other day on Twitter, I suggested that we reclaimed the term. Why not? Not to dumb ourselves down or become one of them, but rather to give it a new meaning. To prove that writing about motherhood can be thought-provoking, clever, rich, nuanced, intelligent... To make it a necessary form of discourse. To say that women can't be limited to anything, especially not, 2011, to the middle-aged belief that we are defined by our children. We can care about them deeply and be something else as well.

No? Yes? Maybe?

NYC recommendations?

We're going to New York this weekend, unfortunately to attend a very, very sad funeral next Monday.

We also want to do some browsing and shopping (there's the new Mario Batali food emporium Eataly), probably go to the Museum of Natural History... Having the two kids in tow, especially as I need to nurse relatively often and F being in the stroller means LP now has to walk all day, will require some juggling. The winter, obviously, doesn't help much, since we cannot really spend a lot of time outside, or say, change a diaper on a park bench in a pinch.

We know the city fairly well and have our spots, but then we're not locals either. While we know our way, we've also had a few unfortunate experiences in the numerous times we were there like walking for hours without finding a place to change LP, or walking for hours before finding a place to eat with a fussy, hungry toddler. I wouldn't want that to happen this time, so we will need to plan carefully. We'll take cabs and plan our stops and try to avoid bad surprises...

Anyone has recommendations for me? I'm thinking about family-friendly places to eat (relaxed, not too loud, space for a stroller...), places where there are nice, large, clean restrooms with changing stations
(Macy's has some great ones for instance), and fun activities for LP... Mid-town Manhattan, Chelsea, Upper West Side, or even Brooklyn, which we've wanted to explore for a while.

Anything would be appreciated. And I thank you.

This is becoming a hobby of ours...

Here is LP at 10 weeks. This was the picture we put on the birth-announcement-thank-you-card we made.

And now, here is F, same age, same place.

She is turning 3 months in a few days. I really need to get on these cards soon...

You are four (!?)

In NY, last Easter

Dear LP,

We're here again? Another year? I know you are so thrilled about finally being four, but please take it easy on me OK? I suppose you are not planning on stopping growing and having birthdays, are you?

Happy birthday my sweet boy. There's nothing remotely toddler-ish about you anymore. You keep reminding us that what's waiting ahead for you right around the corner is school, nothing less. And you are so excited, counting the Christmases and birthdays left. I guess it's something we hadn't planned about having a little more than three and a half years between our kids: you guys will always kind of be part of different universes. We don't think it's a bad thing, our bet was always that it didn't mean you wouldn't be close, and I really hope we are right.

Waiting for your sister to arrive, and then finally meeting her and getting settled in this new family dynamic has been the biggest event of your life this past year. You're a great big brother, helping out a lot, always loving and caring towards her, if ever-so-slightly too hyper and boisterous. I cannot wait until you start having a proper relationship, engaging with each other, learning how this is done.

Ever since F was born, you have no idea how much going through this again is bringing back all kinds of memories from when you were a baby. Everything she does I see you doing it, every milestone reminds me of a former one. I didn't expect this to happen. I love it beyond words. I look at her tiny hands, kiss them and love them. But I also can't believe that in only four years, yours have grown from that to being about the two thirds of mine. Your father and I have made a bet a longtime ago, about the age at which you'll become bigger than me. I chose 13. I'm not so sure anymore. Any way it's coming fast. I'll never be able to think about that without a few tears.

You've changed a lot this year. Without me realizing it you've become so autonomous, so much more in charge of your own life. You still have plenty of moments for cuddling and sweet time together, but it's also clear that I'm not the center of your life anymore. You have things to do, people to see, places to go. Whenever I rush to pick you up at daycare early, you ask me if I could come a little later so you could have more time to play. Sometimes, I have to steal kisses from you before you leave. I thought this would happen much later than it did. Sometimes, at night, I sit on the side of your bed and watch you sleep, filled with tenderness. Please don't mind if I do.

Your personality is continuing to emerge, smart, talkative, very sensitive to details (you're still sensitive in general, but are doing a much better job at managing this, and even reasoning things), imaginative, sociable, energetic, funny. You are also strong-willed and independent, already determined to have it your way. As you test your boundaries and try to make your place, you've also become quite challenging and defiant at times. I am sorry to admit that my patience towards this has grown thin in the last year, with the pregnancy and the new baby and all. I can see us emerging through a new phase with things becoming much more settled now. That is, I guess, when your sister's phase of very bad colic at night will finally subside; regarding this, your dad and I are so proud of how great you are through it, never making a fuss about your bedtime, understanding that babies can sometimes cry a lot and that we need to take care of her, falling and staying asleep on your own through it all.

I love you so much for all you've become, all you're becoming. Thank you for always making us see the world in a new, fresh way, while we share your excitement towards everything. Thank you for all of these great connections and all these funny little remarks you make, which always add a wonderful twist on my days. Thank you for still needing me most of the time, or at least pretending that you do. You are so amazingly precious to me, beautiful kiddo.