Happy New Year!

Last night over dinner, we each discussed our favorite moment of 2012.

F: "Plouf, dans l'eau!" (Splash, in the water!) A reference to the beach during our week in Florida, where she did exactly that.

LP: Christmas! Followed by starting school.

M: The beach in Florida. (Before arriving there, we had to walk 1.5 km, first in the mangrove, then through a pedestrian bridge over a pristine turquoise lagoon, where we could see swordfish, turtles and manatees. It was quite wonderful, I agree.) Followed by our trip to Bermuda for his 40th.

Me: There were so many moments, from yes, these two trips (snorkeling in Bermuda was quite magical too) with a special mention for the day we spent in Savannah, to the moment I got the confirmation I could quit my day job after hoping SO hard for SO long... But I think my absolute favorite moment was March 30, mid-morning, when we arrived at our new house with the keys for the first time, just M and I, opened the door, and went through each and every still empty room. Pure bliss.

2012 was good to us, most definitely. When I look at it this way, what more could I ask for from life??? I did it! I made my life into what I dreamed it could be. I remember telling a friend a few years back, in an ideal world I'd write, cook and arrange flowers. And she said, with a dreamy air to her, wow, that sounds so wonderful... Well, that's exactly what I'm doing now. In a great house, which we've styled in a way I really like, with a priceless and very peaceful proximity to nature.

And yet my state of mind still isn't there. Work is now great, if hectic at times, yet I'm still finding myself wide awake at night with no-fun thoughts, I continue to see my hair part getting wider and wider, while my ponytail becomes smaller and smaller. I can't really explain what's happening to me. Remember how I said things never get into focus at the same time? It was so true. While I realize how blessed I am, and especially right now as I'm reflecting on the year past, I also realize life has a way of throwing something at you as soon as it solves something else. Bittersweet. Always.

And so I find myself worrying about my precious son a lot, in a way that I'm not sure will ever ease off. In a way that does not feel right to be discussed here at all.

And so I hereby only make two resolutions this year:

1-to take really good care of my family, to be loving and patient, strong and tender. To be present, to be happy.

2-to take really good care of myself, so I can better enjoy these blessings... I'm forgoing alcohol for the next little while, plan to go back to the big salad lunches that seem to do me good, promise to commit to a more regular exercise schedule. I've also taken up yoga a bit with the kids, have recently started acupuncture with great hopes, and also want to do some (western) medical investigation, to have my thyroid checked and such. We've also decided to switch to a if-you-can't-beat-them-join-them approach to the winter I so hate, and so we are now equipped for snowshoeing, skating, sledding and skiing (M applauded when I bought Sorel boots and a proper snowsuit -I hadn't had those in 20 years) and LP has his first lesson booked. Being able to take things one day, one step at a time would be great, as well.

Happy New Year everyone!